Posts by jerrys1995 [Suspended]

jerrys1995

Feb 9, 2018

Writing Feedback / "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.." Childhood flashback [4]

these are just my views on it. i hope this helps even though i myself am not so good at it

My class sang ... direction, Mrs. Lee.----- i think you can remove the direction and phrase it in a different manner.

my English class listened to ...---- i think you can rephrase this like say, we heard the music out of a cassetter player in our english classes.

... I noticed myself humming the song ...---- the music was always in my head and i found myself humming to it during my leisure times.

As time went by, we learned [...] my memory of the song.---- The song had given me a better grip over the language making it easier for me to speak, i could relate the grammar during learning and it also helped in understanding and scoring better in my english class.

jerrys1995

Feb 9, 2018

Scholarship / Food Technology and Packaging -Your study objectives for Fulbright application [4]

i dont think the use of "He" in he has a renteir is the specifying a gender is not correct.
When you take a tour [...] conservation and processing-- you can phrase this in a better manner

i think you can be a little more specific on your internship experience, the information you provided is too vague
i dont think quotes are necessary you cant decide on doing masters just based on the quote, you need to provide insights of your life experiences in a formal way that interest you to pursue higher studies in your desired field.

jerrys1995

Feb 9, 2018

Scholarship / Convincing that this Scholarship in Korea is a true match with my education and work experience [5]

I was happy to be able ...-- check the grammar and phrase it in a different manner

But, sadly my campus didn't ...== this is kind of a negative statement
I used to have a life-golas to ...-- negative
But, sadly both of them ...- negative
and unfortunattely I've never ...= you are forcing the negativity
Like I said before,= dont be too informal
Korea has really tight ...-- remove tight
you need to be more clear and specific with your perspectives and check for grammar mistakes as i found a few.
try to use a positive tone rather than i did this but i sadly i couldnt do it

jerrys1995

Feb 9, 2018

Scholarship / The KGSP is one such opportunity that I don't wish to regret for not trying - PERSONAL STATEMENT [3]

KOREAN GOVERNMENT SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM - PERSONAL STATEMENT

set of instructions provided for the personal statement
1. Motivations with which you apply for the program
2. your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP
3. Reason for Studying in Korea.
4. any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research

My name is Jerry Sabore. I was born and raised in India. My father joined the military services at a very young age due to lack of resources for his education and he always emphasized the importance of education and my mother being a school teacher have always encouraged me to explore the opportunities in life. My father's occupation helped me to study in different parts of the country and I was able to experience different cultures and learned 5 language during my course of stay.

I grew up watching my cousin build his firm from scratch after he graduated from Mechanical Engineering, assuming it was only about automobiles he enlightened me with his vision and shared his knowledge on how anything manufactured is a part of it.

He used to take me for trips to a lot of manufacturers from whom he used to collect the raw materials and then put them all together to make a new product. I was too young to understand what it was but spending my childhood in the enterprise, getting exposed to lathe machines, drilling machines, and tools allowed me to spend my time with the labors, drilling holes, fusing and welding the plastics which nurtured my interest towards the field of mechanical and engineering.

I was a not among the top students during my school days but I always tried hard and was able to be among the top students in a much challenging and competitive college environment. During my undergraduate studies I understood the vast possibilities of my field and how the advancement in technologies have improved over the years through the workshops on CATIA, CFX design software on my even semesters. Also being a part of team to visit the TVS manufacturing unit helped me relate with my childhood of how the assembling of different parts formed the end product.

I had a great learning experience with my project team. I spend most of my time in the machine labs using equipments trying to manufacture the parts precisely. It gave me a basic understanding of electronics and the use of computer numerical control as well. Starting from paper design to a completely automated machine was a great task as figuring out the problems that affected the prototype was quite challenging and it helped in building a confidence in me to resolve it.

It was not until when the Head of the Department of Mechanical Engineering had the opportunity to visit Seoul, South Korea for a workshop on Machine learning and design thinking sponsored by SAP labs and discovering Korea's development in mechanical fields intrigued in me a desire to explore the option of studying in Korea. I was exposed to the Korean culture only through the social media discovering the Korean universities in the global ranking was an addition, considering the companies like HYUNDAI, LG and numerous amount of mechanical manufacturing units and the pace at which the field of science and technology is growing is quite remarkable.

The most important ideology that I found was it promotes and supports all forms of art with equity, this sense of freedom and liberty is an environment which I desire for. I was able to teach myself how to write and read in Korean and I believe I will be able to become a fluent speaker eventually. I am already in love with the Korean food like kimchi and gimbap which I was able to experience in the Korean restaurants of my country.

I do not wish to miss out any opportunity which enhances me as a person and a professional. The KGSP is one such opportunity that I don't wish to regret for not trying. This will help me to connect with an international community also providing me an opportunity to experience the rich culture and the challenge to be a part of the highly competitive education system. I believe challenges are what makes a person to outdo themselves.