hi guys, Please have a look on my personal statement and study objectives for fulbright application. Any suggestions, advices and corrections to make me improve this is welcome. Thanks
Study Objectives for Master in Food Technology and Packaging
Togo is a country with a large agricultural population where agriculture accounts for about 38% of GDP. He has a rentier agriculture with a variety of products. Despite this agricultural wealth, only most foreign food products from other countries are found on the market. When you take a tour of the rural areas, you realize that there are resources but those if they are wasted. Fruits, vegetables, etc. that rot due to lack of conservation and processing. Faced to this situation, we have to wonder why the agri-food industry is so undeveloped and especially how can we fix it?
Holder of a Bachelor's degree in Food Science and Technology, this first university degree has given me foundations in the discipline. It allowed me to have a global approach in food science and i learned how to develop solutions to micro problems in food processing. At the end of my training, my internship at NIOTO, Togo's first oilseed processing industry allowed me to make the transition to the practical world. I had to work on the processes of transformation and their improvements and it really pleased me. The more I advanced, my desire to understand took the form of a passion.
After my internship, I started working as quality controller at white way, a company producing food packaging. As an important part of the production team, I was responsible for the management and complaints of the customers. I was able to discuss with many food processors. They want to know which kind of packaging they can use for the things they are producing so many of them often talk about the problems encountered. Thanks to this experience, I finally realized that our problem was much more a problem of lack of qualified people who can help people achieving their goals. People want to do well but knowledge is not present.
I would like to be able to do according to the definition of Claudia Roden who says "True gastronomy is making the most of what is available, however modest". Aware that to be effective in the realization of my future projects I will need a higher education, I would like to do a Master in Food Technology and Packaging. This master is in agreement with my training and my past experiences.
Through this Master, I want to gain a better understanding of the food sciences to help design safe products from available resources. I want to achieve personal development as a researcher and be able to provide simple and effective solutions to the technical problems that hinder the evolution of our agribusiness. I strongly believe that by pursuing a master's degree from a reputable graduate school in the United States, I will have the opportunity to truly understand and appreciate the competing interests and views surrounding Food sciences and the know-how of Americans in the matter.
Upon my return, with the strong background i will get, i would like to seek and employment in a Company working on foods process, a consulting firm or any other place I can put my newly acquired knowledge in practice.
i dont think the use of "He" in he has a renteir is the specifying a gender is not correct.
When you take a tour [...] conservation and processing-- you can phrase this in a better manner
i think you can be a little more specific on your internship experience, the information you provided is too vague
i dont think quotes are necessary you cant decide on doing masters just based on the quote, you need to provide insights of your life experiences in a formal way that interest you to pursue higher studies in your desired field.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,277 3982
Tchalim, your essay does not respond to any aspect of the prompt requirements. I believe that you mistakenly thought you were being asked to write a personal statement rather than a study objective essay. I can see how you might get confused by the description of the two essay types. The problem, is that the essay that you wrote will disqualify your application due to irrelevance. That is why you will need to go back to the drawing board. Think about the status of the the food industry in your country, what your government plans to help save the agricultural industry is and how your college major and current profession aligns with the plans of the government.
Should you be able to prove that your government has a doable plan of action to help save the agricultural industry, farmers, and other market producers of the country, you should be able to justify the qualifications of your current job in line with promoting this cause. After you justify these 2 elements, your study objectives should become clear. The study objective should be how you plan to help improve and promote the government programs in terms of food security for your country.
Now, since you believe that food packaging is integral to the promotion of sustainable food development in Togo, explain how your studies can help initiate a movement regarding that in your country. What is your objective for wanting to improve food packaging in a country where, according to you, all food items are imported? How will changing the packaging promote the agricultural market of Togo? These are additional considerations you should discuss in the essay as part of your current training and future plans for the Togo agricultural sector so that it can compete with the imported goods in the market.