Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by BoNyKiD07
Joined: Sep 13, 2009		 Last Post: Oct 7, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 13  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 16
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself? [14]

This is my first draft for an essay to Cornell, I think it's a bit vague but recommendations would be helpful. Should I just redo it completely? Thanks!

We can't go back in time to change our lives or our mistakes. I live my life to make sure I have no regrets and move on without looking back. However, everyone makes mistakes and when I settle for less than my best I regret making a choice or missing an opportunity, but I always learn from my mistakes and move on at a faster pace. I enjoy doing my best in everything so I can help all of my friends and be successful in the future.

I enjoy challenges because they make me bring out the best in myself. Balancing and prioritizing my academic life and my social life has been one of the most fun and challenging experiences of my life. I am the type of person who enjoys being friends with everybody so I am a part of multiple groups in my school and outside of it. I am the person who usually sets up trips and hangouts among my friends and I like to mix and match groups so I do not let anybody feel left out. My friends agree that I am social, but I always prioritize academics before fun. I work as hard as I can in school so I can avoid missing opportunities for fun. That way, I would avoid having regrets and at the same time do as much as I can do have fun and be successful.

This is my first year to have a real girlfriend and it has been a fun experience as well as a troublesome experience to maintain having one while keeping my grades up. My cousins from India also came to live with my family for a while and that did not help either. These events along with multiple fun hangouts and after school activities kept me busy and on my feet all the time, but I enjoyed working my best because in the end I can look back and be happy with my accomplishments. Junior year has also been my first year taking calculus and it has been a fun to experience a level of math that made me have to ask for help.

I cannot go back in time and from here on out the challenges in life are only going to grow. This year, while balancing all the parts of my life, I had to, at some points, forsake videogames and television so I could keep up with my studies and friends. I had to set my priorities straight and I decided that playing videogames and watching television would not help me or be as fun as doing my work and having fun with friends would. At one point I had to choose between preparing for my Physics final or going to Chinatown to get bubble tea and shop at Elizabeth Center. I ended up making the plan so I could stay home the day before the final and then go with everybody to Chinatown we all finished taking it. I think it worked out very well and I was happy that all of my friends were able to rearrange their schedules for it.

I love being a doing my best in everything, being a leader, helping my friends, and hanging out as much as I can. If I go to Cornell University I will be sure to do as much as I can to make sure that everybody, including myself, has fun and does his of her best in and out of school.
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself? [14]

Okay cool. I don't think there is any prompt for the common application right? From what I heard it's just write about yourself. I have to do a separate essay for engineering but I'm going to finish this one first. Thanks!

Okay I'll definitely redo it. Thanks!!
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself? [14]

Yeah I know, by finish this one first I meant I'm going to rewrite this essay before writing the engineering one. And yeah I just realized that, thanks.
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Acting like an adult' - Florida A meaningful experience.. [4]

"I learned what responsibility meant on a whole new level. Not only were my fellow CIT's and I responsible for performing the "dirty work" around camp, we were responsible for over 300 girls whose parents entrusted in us to keep their children safe."

Shouldn't meant be means and and put we were also responsible for over 300 girls.

"Independence is another large aspect of becoming a college student, and by being required to rely on myself to solve problems at home."

That's kind of awkward. It seems like you would say by being required to rely on myself to solve problems at home... but you ended it early.

The rest seems pretty good. =]
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself? [14]

Second Try - Topic of Choice Essay for Cornell

Okay, so this is my second try at an essay and I think it's better than my last one but I still don't think it's good enough. I was going to try doing one of the topics next but any actual like advice on if I should work on this or scrap if would help and maybe advice for the next one too. I need to be specific and like...thrilling...but some topics didn't seem too good. Thanks for any replies though!

Transition
Coming into high school, I was somewhat of an introverted nerd who loved videogames, read manga all the time, always raised my hand in to answer questions in class, and believed that going to an all boys school would allow me to avoid distractions and focus more on schoolwork. Throughout freshmen year, I realized that I wanted to be more social and that playing videogames for three hours after school on a Friday in Videogame Club was not very fun. I decided that, as a teenager, I was at the point in my life in which I had to experiment with what I like and dislike and try new things.

I decided to hold on to all my old hobbies, I still enjoy reading manga and playing videogames, but I also love doing exercise in Boxing and setting up a trip to go to a restaurant in Chinatown for Asian American Club. I love the feeling of accomplishment after a long day of work and I also love the feeling of being a leader and having people depend on me. That feeling makes me do my best and work as hard as I can do succeed.

So what kind of person am I now? After being in different groups and experimenting with different clubs, clothes, and styles, I figured out there is no one group or style that defines me. I'm a moderate. I enjoy working hard and I always succeed in the standards I set for myself, but I do not enjoy being a workaholic. I do not enjoy being lazy either. I cannot fit into any one group exactly, one day I am with the preppy group at Union Square going to Urban Outfitters and Petco, the next day I am with the nerdy group playing Rock Band at my friend's home, then I move on to sitting in the library with my AP Physics group in a meeting that I set up on Facebook to work on our summer assignment, and after that I go to Palisades mall with my girlfriend to shop for clothes and watch a movie. My life fluctuates constantly and I love it.

High school is a time to change who I am and understand who I want to be. I came in thinking I would be a videogame designer, but due to the fact that I am slowly outgrowing videogames, I decided I want to be a computer engineer. I want to be able to fix computers, make them, and program them. I want to be able to help my friends and engineer a present for them instead of buying one.

These past four years I have changed exponentially. Not only am I taller, smarter, and more mature, but also I'm more social, outgoing, and no longer a total nerd. I still do my best in schoolwork and prioritize it first and foremost, but I am now more confident in myself and I look forward to college as a trial that will force me to use the full extent of my talents.
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself? [14]

Okay, but I was wondering should I work on this essay or scrap it and try again relating to a specific question? And you mean I should be more specific right? Okay I can definitely do that, I'll take some more time to work on it this time. Thanks!!!
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself? [14]

event*? Okay that sounds exactly like what I should've done lol, thanks for the advice ^.^ I just couldnt think of a specific event, maybe one will happen this month. Thanks again!!
BoNyKiD07   
Sep 18, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Finally!' - Common Application Essay (significant experience) [6]

Option #1. Evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you.

Finally! My Pre Calculus class was over for the day and my friend Tristan promised that he would take me to Chinatown! I had been looking forward to going to Chinatown and exploring, and this was finally my chance. We went to Union Square and took the N train to Canal Street. After arriving, my first impression was that the area looked like Washington Heights with Chinese letters. My hopes and excitement were instantaneously crushed.

He started walking and then stopped. He told me to lead, knowing that I wanted to explore the area. I went in every direction until I found Elizabeth Street, which had an import electronics store that had all kinds of electronics at steep prices. Looking at my wallet, I quickly realized that I would not be able to afford much of anything from that store.

I went down Elizabeth Street, with Tristan following me, until I saw a building with the words "Elizabeth Center" on it. I asked Tristan what it was and he said to go in. I went inside and down an escalator and found an underground mall full of stores that sell electronics, videogames, and anime merchandise! I ran through all the stores looking around and realized that they sold things at a cheap price. I decided that I had to buy souvenirs for my friends and bought different key chains for my close friends and a blue Bleach key chain that matched my bag. I decided that I would come back later with my other friends when I have more money. I told Tristan I was done and we went up the escalator and left.

He followed me down Elizabeth Street and then we went to Vivi Bubble Tea. I never tried or heard of bubble tea, but he convinced me to try some so I bought one. At first it tasted great, it was one of the best drinks I ever had in my life! But then the tapioca started going up the straw, I was immediately surprised and disgusted. I tried to drink more but the spheres of tapioca kept coming up the straw. I decided to change to a small straw and managed to finish most of it. We walked to Mott Street and went to the Chinatown Arcade. I was excited because I heard rumors about how great it was, but the second I went in the smell of body odor immediately entered and I had to step out. I held my breath and went back in; this time it was not so bad. I am afraid I became used to it. I was excited because they had Street Fighter IV. I decided to play a match and, needless to say, I was beaten badly. However, it was a great match and I had fun nonetheless.

After that, night had approached and we decided to start heading home. My hopes and reality collided that day and the greater of the two, the realistic part, ended up being better than anything I could have imagined.
BoNyKiD07   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Holden Caulfield [12]

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

I'm trying to get into Cornell for early decision and this is my common application essay. My essay is 400 words including the title and 398 words without it. It is only 4 paragraphs, but is that a problem? I did not want to drag it on but I can think of something if it is best to add one more. Any advice or criticism is appreciated. Thanks!

Holden Caulfield
Holden Caulfield, a fictional character who is the protagonist and antihero from The Catcher in the Rye, has influenced me in a way that he is the antithesis of who I want to be. He is pessimistic: he sees the cup as half empty instead of half full, lazy, and unmotivated. He has all the opportunities in the world to make something of himself, but he throws it all away, becomes drunk, smokes, and has sex with a prostitute. I want to be everything he is not.

Holden is antisocial, apathetic to his future, pessimistic, and a failure. He curses constantly and brings out the worst in people. He cannot see anybody as good, but instead views society and the majority of humanity as phony and evil. Ever since I read The Catcher in the Rye in 9th Grade, I have been aiming to make sure that I would not follow his example; that I would follow and set an example 180° away from his. Since reading the book, I have done my best to become more social, hardworking, optimistic, and I intend to succeed in life. Unlike Holden, I will take advantage of my opportunities and avoid detrimental things like drinking, smoking, and having sex.

Holden deals with problems by drinking them away and being depressed. I think that is a bad habit because his problems are caused by his pessimistic attitude towards life. Optimists have fewer problems to deal with because they see the good in a situation and can deal with the little amount of unavoidable problems that they do have. They can work to change negatives into positives. Holden takes negatives and makes them worse. He believes that the world is "full of perverts and morons" and never thinks of a way to make it better. Thanks to his inability to see the good in the world, his personal world goes downhill throughout the story. I do not want to be like him; I believe there is good in the world and that I can make it a better place by working hard and having a positive outlook.

Life approaches everyone with problems and obstacles. Running away from them and avoiding them like Holden does is not the right path, I intend to face them head on and struggle through them because I believe that doing so would lead me to a happy future.
BoNyKiD07   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Holden Caulfield [12]

Yeah, I'll have to brush up on the story, I haven't read it since ninth grade, as I mentioned. Okay, the prompt says to describe him and his influence on me so I was trying to split it up half and half. It isn't too short is it? And that's great advice ^.^ I was not specific enough and I did not notice that either. Should I replace the 180 degree part? Thanks!!
BoNyKiD07   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Holden Caulfield [12]

Okay, I tried to change the third paragraph with
"I believe that everybody has good in them, nobody can be fully stereotyped into one adjective. Holden is not purely apathetic or pessimistic; he shows affection to Phoebe. In the same way nobody can be completely..."

but that seemed to weaken my essay. I was going to say that I am not completely optimistic either. Here's my newly revised essay:

Holden Caulfield
Holden Caulfield, a fictional character who is the protagonist and antihero from The Catcher in the Rye, has influenced me in a way that he is the antithesis of who I want to be. He is pessimistic: he sees the cup as half empty instead of half full, lazy, and unmotivated. He has all the opportunities in the world to make something of himself, but he throws it all away, becomes drunk, smokes, and has sex with a prostitute. I want to be everything he is not.

Holden is antisocial, apathetic to his future, pessimistic, and a failure. He curses constantly and brings out the worst in people. He cannot see anybody as good, but instead views society and the majority of humanity as phony and evil. Ever since I read The Catcher in the Rye in 9th Grade, I have been aiming to make sure that I would not follow his example; that I would follow and set an example 180° away from his. Since reading the book, I have done my best to become more social, hardworking, optimistic, and I intend to succeed in life. Unlike Holden, I will take advantage of my opportunities and avoid detrimental things like drinking, smoking, and having sex.

Holden deals with problems by drinking them away and being depressed. I think that is a bad habit because his problems are caused by his pessimistic attitude towards life. Optimists have fewer problems to deal with because they see the good in a situation and can deal with the little amount of unavoidable problems that they do have. They can work to change negatives into positives. Holden takes negatives and makes them worse. He believes that the world is "full of perverts and morons" and never thinks of a way to make it better. Thanks to his inability to see the good in the world, his personal world goes downhill throughout the story. I do not want to be like him; I believe there is good in the world and that I can make it a better place by working hard and having a positive outlook.

One time I had a fight with my brother because he was making fun of my friend. We went into a long argument and afterwards I went out for a walk, in comparison to the way Holden leaves Pencey after the altercation with his roommate. However, unlike Holden, who spends the night with a prostitute, I walked around for a few hours listening to my Ipod and came back with lunch for my brother. It was the day before he went back to college and I decided that I should not let him leave on bad terms. We apologized, agreed to look past it, and played videogames. I tried to fix the situation and it worked. Holden would hold a grudge with him and things would not get better. Thinking of what he would have done, I was influenced to do the opposite.

Life approaches everyone with problems and obstacles. Running away from them and avoiding them like Holden does is not the right path, I intend to face them head on and struggle through them because I believe that doing so would lead me to a happy future.

I just added a third paragraph.
BoNyKiD07   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Holden Caulfield [12]

You don't have to apologize, it was very helpful. I really have to work on the rest of my hw now though, I'll edit it another day. Thanks a lot!!
Need Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳