mylu1809
Aug 31, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: 'hospital attendances' bar chart [4]
1, It is clear that the elderly people and the youngest one--> group visited the most attendances in emergency.--> You should name the age group specifically, and wrong collocation with "visit' and 'attendance'--> get/have the most visits.
2, which stood at approximately 62 ... ---> relative clause error--> with approximately 62 out of 1000 people in December 2016.
3, And it made an increase to ...---> you should mix 2 sentences into 1 complex sentence: The number of attendances by the elderly people who aged 75 and over took account for the highest one in 2016, at approximately 62 out of every 1000 people, before increasing slight to around 65 per 1000-population after a year.
1, It is clear that the elderly people and the youngest one--> group visited the most attendances in emergency.--> You should name the age group specifically, and wrong collocation with "visit' and 'attendance'--> get/have the most visits.
2, which stood at approximately 62 ... ---> relative clause error--> with approximately 62 out of 1000 people in December 2016.
3, And it made an increase to ...---> you should mix 2 sentences into 1 complex sentence: The number of attendances by the elderly people who aged 75 and over took account for the highest one in 2016, at approximately 62 out of every 1000 people, before increasing slight to around 65 per 1000-population after a year.