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Posts by lynnlynn
Name: Gaby
Joined: Oct 11, 2018
Last Post: Nov 1, 2018
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: China
School: SMIC

Displayed posts: 6
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lynnlynn   
Oct 12, 2018
Undergraduate / Fear of asking for help - Common App Essay [5]

Please take a look at my essay and give any suggestions you have. Thank you very much!

The topic is on overcoming obstacles.



"It's okay. You can definitely do this." The previous leader smiled proudly as she handed me a little blue tag, marking my new position as the head of the youth group. I felt the same way too; I was deeply passionate about serving people in my youth group, and I loved the idea of leading them as we went on retreats and service trips, even if it came with many responsibilities.

Soon enough, before the summer of 2016 began, I was tasked with the responsibility of planning the annual service trip. The trip is held in Anhui, a rural province in the eastern region of China, and I needed to make reservations for food and lodging, plan activities for the program, and gather all the required supplies in one month. Though the adult leaders offered to guide me along the way, I refused and insisted that I can do it on my own. I hated reaching out to someone for help, because I associated it with vulnerability and failure. Being raised in a strict Chinese culture that values success, soft-spokenness, and obedience, it was difficult for me to speak up and admit my struggles and incompetence. I was used to carrying the weight on my shoulders.

However, because of my reluctance to ask for help, I suffered from large consequences. Being a fifteen-year-old, I had no connections to find a place in Anhui that holds and feeds nearly a hundred children and teens at once. I had no volunteers to lead the program. The weight on my shoulders came tumbling down as I frantically tried to balance between the task, my academics, and extracurricular activities, although in front of others I acted as if nothing happened. As a result, I could not finish the task of planning the service trip on time, and the adult leaders had to push back the date. I realized that I certainly had to stop pretending like I can do everything on my own anymore, so I asked for a second chance. This time, when I planned the trip, I asked members in my church for connections and delegated tasks to others; I was also willing to share about what I was worried of or unsure of during the process. To my surprise, people gladly agreed to cooperate, making me feel less nervous to ask them for help. As I stepped out of my comfort zone, I found it easier to open my mouth.

Even though I had to ask for a second chance, I believe I achieved success because I acknowledged my flaws and tried to perfect them. I recognized that, by not confessing defeat and approaching others for help, I had missed countless opportunities throughout high school to not just enhance my academic performance, but also learn from my mistakes and become a better person. Nonetheless, I am still a work in progress, but I am utilizing the lessons I learned from youth group in other areas of my life too--step by step. In the future, as I prepare to overcome more obstacles in college and beyond, I am confident that I will embrace failure, be fearless of appearing weak, and continue to improve and challenge myself.
lynnlynn   
Oct 24, 2018
Undergraduate / Fear of asking for help - Common App Essay [5]

Thanks for your suggestion. Sadly I already turned this in but I have a couple more colleges to apply to so I think I will choose the second question. Thank you so much!
lynnlynn   
Oct 29, 2018
Undergraduate / An Indonesian student in the United States - Common App Essay - 1st Prompt [3]

I really like what you have here. It's interesting and fun to read, but there are some parts that I didn't understand.
"Now, as the only Indonesian student in the United States," What is this supposed to mean? I'm pretty sure there are many other Indonesian students in the States.

" but I'll always be the out-of...". " This phrase is too wordy and the "computer analyst-aspiring" feels out of place because you never mentioned this previously.

Good job!
lynnlynn   
Oct 29, 2018
Undergraduate / Sloppy Joe Symphony - Common App Draft; something that sparked a period of personal growth [6]

I like this story a lot. It definitely grabs my attention and it shows how good of a writer you are, but the point of a personal statement is to show who you are as a person, not a writer. You should emphasize more on how the ACL impacted you or maybe show more about how cooking relates to ACL/knee injury. Comparing what you experienced to cooking is great but I feel like the spotlight is more on the description of your cooking instead of your personal growth.
lynnlynn   
Oct 31, 2018
Undergraduate / How tutoring English leads to a pursuit in communications - Supplement [4]

Hello, the prompt for this supplement is to

describe an extra-curricular or work experience

. Please take a look at my essay and tell me what you think. I'm open to any suggestions and/or grammar feedback. Also, is the dialogue necessary and how can I elaborate more on the conclusion?

"Now repeat after me," I said to the third-grader who I was tutoring, "Attitude."
"Attitude."
"Predict, " I continued, pausing every now and then to correct her pronunciation.
I started tutoring English as a part-time job during the summer of my freshman year. As a homeschooler in China, I wanted to take advantage of my bilingual identity and utilize my free time to the fullest, and I found opportunities to do so through reaching out to family friends and church members. By the beginning of sophomore year, I was tutoring three children at completely different age levels.

Each child had a distinctive personality and they learned best through different teaching styles, so I tried to accommodate to their needs. For the sixth-grader who learns visually, I assigned hand-drawn vocabulary note cards. For the second-grader who has trouble staying focused, I created word games like crossword puzzles and charades to be more interactive. For the third-grader who likes to listen to music, I recommended plenty of English songs.

Tutoring English has taught me to present learning in a way that my students can understand and enjoy. I became more flexible, enthusiastic, and accepting through my tutoring experience, and I improved my communication skills in active listening and considering target audience. Doing so, I built and consolidated my relationship with each of the students.

In college, I want to expand my horizons. By pursuing in Communications, I hope to be equipped with skills to effectively communicate with not just a single person, but a diverse audience as well.
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