nyangi
Oct 30, 2018
Undergraduate / Common App Essay on movie spoilers (Prompt #7) [4]
"... the most breathtaking scenes, and the most spine-tingling scenes ..." - it's repetitive to use "scenes" twice here.
I would suggest rearranging this sentence to eliminate the passive voice - something like "Trailers display the best jokes..." There are also other places where you repeat a word multiple times in the space of one or two sentences, like at the start of the third paragraph.
Content-wise, I think it's pretty good! I'm just wondering about your conclusion, though. If you refuse life advice from someone for fear of "spoilers," isn't that contradicting your message of open-mindedness?
"... the most breathtaking scenes, and the most spine-tingling scenes ..." - it's repetitive to use "scenes" twice here.
I would suggest rearranging this sentence to eliminate the passive voice - something like "Trailers display the best jokes..." There are also other places where you repeat a word multiple times in the space of one or two sentences, like at the start of the third paragraph.
Content-wise, I think it's pretty good! I'm just wondering about your conclusion, though. If you refuse life advice from someone for fear of "spoilers," isn't that contradicting your message of open-mindedness?