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Posts by stern22
Joined: Sep 22, 2009
Last Post: Sep 25, 2009
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From: United States of America

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stern22   
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "Guys stop it!"; FSU ESSAY; helping and making an impact on others lives [10]

Hi! I am working on my FSU essay and would like any help I can get. Any suggestions or corrections on technical errors or content would be great! Thank you!

Also, I tried making paragraphing by indenting each new paragraph, but the program would not allow me to do so. So i just ended up putting a double space in between each new paragraph!

Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

My essay:
"Guys stop it!" were words I often found myself saying as a seven year old girl. Even as a little girl, when I saw my two best friends fighting, I could not resist the urge to stop and help them out. Although I might have been a little annoying as I presented the issue in a judicial manner, asking each of the girls to give their side of the story, I meant well. I could not bear the sight of my best friends fighting and always felt the obligation to fix the problem in hopes of the two forgiving each other.

Ten years later, in a somewhat different way, I still always find myself trying to help others. Every time I see one of my classmates struggling to solve a math problem or interpret the meaning of a literary passage, something kicks in me that urges myself to help that person. However, the best part is seeing one smile as he or she says "oooohhh" as the math problem or meaning of the english passage finally clicks and makes sense to he or she. The overall feeling I get as I help someone is exhilarating and better than any chocolate cake(which I crave on a daily, perhaps minute basis) I come across.

With whichever career I end up pursuing in the future, I hope to instill my selfless and charitable mores towards others. I find that life is short and if you spend it doing something you do not enjoy, you will only resent yourself. Although I am still undecided as to what specific career I want to pursue, I positively know that it will involve me significantly helping others, whether that means I be a teacher, psychologist, or even a lawyer.

As a child and now as an young adult, I find helping others to be invigorating and enriching. As my parents taught me as a child to put others before myself, I have realized that in reality such a concept is not always possible. However, if we find those moments in which we can in the littlest ways make one's day better, we must take advantage and embody it in every way possible. As I read the prompt which contained the latin word, mores, which refers to several meanings, i found the word "character" to stand apart from the rest. Who I am as a person is the force and drive of my life and its actions. The helpful and sympathetic person that I am today has caused me not only to better the lives of others, but also myself. Wherever my future leads me, I will make sure to personify this concept of character and intellectual strength by making an impact on others lives in hopes of making a difference.
stern22   
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "Guys stop it!"; FSU ESSAY; helping and making an impact on others lives [10]

okay simone i can understand how it can be interpreted in such a way. However, by "stop it" I meant for the two to stop fighting. and sometimes someone has to take control, in which i did, and keep in mind i was a seven year old. i wasnt trying to be superior. and second of all when i see my classmates grunting and saying i dont get it, i usually take that as a sign that they dont get it and need help. im not trying by any means to brag, although the college guidance counselors say this a time to brag, but i am trying to point out my charitable character and how i hope to instill it in my future and hopefully have an impact on others lives for the better.

anyways thanks for your suggestions
stern22   
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "Guys stop it!"; FSU ESSAY; helping and making an impact on others lives [10]

mina sedaghatir, thnak you very much! and actually good news. my dad just helped me to make it more formal. if yall would be so kind to review it again...i changed quite a lot, that would be great!

When I read the prompt, the word character, signifying mores, stood out from the rest. When all is said and done, a person's character and reputation is all that one really has. Furthermore, a person's character is the driving force behind his or her actions and principles.

My parents have taught me to always put others before myself. They have instilled in me to try to be helpful and empathetic. This character trait has compelled me to try to better the lives of others which, in turn, has enriched my own life. If we find those moments in which we can make another person's day better or easier, then we must seize the opportunity to be altruistic.

"Guys stop fighting!" were words I often found myself saying in elementary school. Even as a little girl, when I saw my close friends fighting, I could not resist the urge to try and help resolve their differences. Although it might have been a little annoying as I attempted to mediate the dispute, I meant well. It saddened me to see my friends fighting, and I felt obligated to "fix the problem" with my ultimate goal being to have the two make-up and forgive each other.

Now, roughly ten years later, I still find myself trying to help others whenever I can. Every time I see one of my classmates struggling to solve a math problem or interpret the meaning of a literary passage, something inside requires me to assist that person. Rather than just working each summer in high school, I have also volunteered at various non-profit organizations in order to help young children and others in need. My reward for helping individuals is seeing the smile on his or her face whether it involves a classmate or one of my young students grasping a concept. The feeling I get from helping someone is gratifying to the point of being invigorating. It is even better than any chocolate cake I might have had (which I crave on a daily, perhaps hourly, basis).

Although I am still undecided whether I want to pursue a career as a teacher, psychologist or a lawyer, I am positive that it will focus on helping others. Regardless of what the future holds for me, I am certain that these aspects of my character will allow me to make an impact on other's lives.
stern22   
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "Soccer" - comments/suggestions on common app short answer [8]

yeah i really like your idea...it's not cheesy...it's a good topic. however, your sentences are a little too short. even though is a short essay, you still need to explain your reasoning behind everything. go in depth a little more
stern22   
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "a last memory with my great-grandma" - Personal Statemet--Input? [3]

your essay is definitely very touching. and although you dont necessarily talk about you as a person that much, through showing what you have learned from a past experience you have shown how you have grown as a person. perhaps elaborate on how you plan to instill what you have learned( to conquer/face your fear) in your future. you kind of start with it when you said "I will not let failure or the fear of people's rejection stop me from achieving all that I can and doing all that I can to change the world." Just elaborate more on that point.

also, great topic!

wish you the best of luck!
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