Undergraduate / College App Essay - 200 American movies [2]

the bolded "We're going to America" at the top, is that part of the essay or is it a title for the thread? If it is part of your essay, then you don't need to include the part where your mom says it again. It sounds redundant.

I am also not sure about the flow. Very early in your essay, I think you need to mention what it's going to about because as a reader I'm not sure what direction the essay is heading.

But overall, your essay has potential. I like the idea of how you were "going to the movies"

Undergraduate / OVERCOMING AN EDUCATION BARRIER. How did overcoming this barrier help shape who are you today? [3]

What is the word count?

Also I agree with the person above me, I think you have to be very careful as to not let the focus of your essay drift to your parents.

Before you talk about your family, I think you need to talk about yourself first. Maybe start off with a sentence about how you were never a school person before or something along those lines. Those sentences about your family can be condensed into one paragraph.

I suggest going a bit more in depth with what made you more serious about school. I'm not sure if mentioning your rank is necessary. Only because I feel like this aspect of your essay should be more fleshed out with possibly a short anecdote?

I'm not too sure what the education barrier is exactly? Make that more clear and maybe mention it at the beginning of the essay. Also, I would work a bit more on the conclusion to make it stronger.

"As the year went on, several ..." could be changed to "Though many of my peers dropped out of the rigorous class, I managed to remain strong...." Maybe something along those lines.

The sentences about your parents and grandparents never going to college could really be summed up if you're trying to be within the word count. "I would be a first generation college student" would be good enough tbh.

Sorry if I sounded harsh but hopefully some of this helped!