Writing Feedback / IELTS II : Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? [4]

you should not write a question in your introduction.
and in the same part, I think it should be "weaknesses"

"the hot issues"
"few years ago which is male cannot.." => could not

"it might be the ancient people thinking"

"they do not allow cutting ..." => they were not allowed to cut

"From that example shows"

I think you should use "gender requirement" in stead of "gender needed"