Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - comparing talents from birth and trained musicians/athletes.. [4]

Hello Kristee

I don't have any experiences correcting people's works but here are some issues in your writing that I have spotted.

- First, please include the question in your thread next time so others can decide whether you went on point and answered the question correctly. As for your opening paragraph, I think you lack the thesis statement which is really crucial to generally tell the readers what your point of view is.

- Word count is another big problem in IELTS writing. Despite a strict time limit, you still need to make sure that the number of words in your essay is at least close to 250 or else, it will be a demise of your writing score.

- You should pay attention to minor grammar errors: The skills come naturally
- I'm not sure what you mean in paragraph 3 because it's quite confusing. Are you trying to say that those without innate talents have to go extra miles in their training with discipline and great determination in order to reach the level of the talented?

- The 4th paragraph should be moved to the 1st.
- Lastly, it feels like your conclusion is not really a true summary of your writing.

Above are my opinions, I hope that you will improve on your next works and if you have time, please make comment on my writing as well.

Writing Feedback / In your opinion, what are the advantages and disadvantages of being a member in a large family? [7]

Hello siatina,
I think your introduction needs a rework as the general statement doesn't quite relate to the question.
In the 2nd paragraph, using words such as always may sound a bit extreme. Consider using usually, may, could... Also, I think there are many married couples who still get divorced despite having kids due to financial issues.

As mentioned above, money is the underlying factor of many divorces and this matter is explained quite clear in your 3rd paragraph. Hence, the idea in paragraph 1 may conflict with the argument in par 3.

I don't know the criteria to give you a mark on the scale of 0-3. Please consider my suggestions.