Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing -- Are the older generations' ideas still useful nowadays? [3]

I would say you made some mistake in word choice on top of grammatical errors as following:

1. "with the era changing" => in such an ever-changing era

2. old suggestions and advices reflects many ...

3. AN old opinion IS that people ... REFLECTS the importance ...

4. you shouldn't use "What's more" in academic writing, use "Additionally/Furthermore" for amplification instead.

5. "To conclude, some..." => Should use "Therefore" instead.

6. ..., citizens are MORE yearning for .... THAN old conservatism"

7. "That's why many.." => you should use "That IS why..."

8. "Besides, many traditional ideas " => wrong usage of "Besides" =>use "Beside" as a transitional word , "Besides" for PREPOSITION

9. " One vivid examplar is that.." => Use "For Instance/ for example/ in fact" instead; you shouldn't add such a formal word like EXAMPLAR in your essay as your essay is full of NEUTRAL words.

10. "This traditional and provincial value system was criticised" => To what extent was it criticised? => This ... was HEAVILY criticised

11. ... system was heavily criticised, putting the shop at risk of being sued by the couple"

12. ... by provincial ideas. Instead, they should look at them at different angles and select suitable ones.

Writing Feedback / Reasons why local people don't visit these locations as frequent as tourists [2]

Hi, I just spot some grammatical errors in your essay. Hope it'll help :))))

" ... to make museumS and ..."

"... tickets are SO expensive that ..."

--> Why museums and historical sites receive more tourists than local inhabitants.

"... local people DO NOT visit ... as frequentLY as tourists"

"... allow them TO buy A ticket to visit ..."