Undergraduate / Colby college admission essay: comment and relate to the following quote ! [4]

hey guys thanks for reading! well i'm kinda on low tier of the applicants so i need alot of criticisms about this essay! please let me know your opinions more than grammar errors

the prompt is: please select one of the following quotations and, with reference to that quotation, comment on a personal experience, an issue of concern to you, or your thoughts about the future. We recommend that the length of your essay be between 300 and 500 words

"One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, 'What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?'"

-Rachel Carson

Like any other summer days, the temperature became unbearable and I opened a window. Then, a round of wind drafted through my window, and I sensed something different in this mundane surrounding. Something sweet and citrus slowly tickled my olfaction as if I was peeling an orange. Bemused, when another gust of wind brushed my face, I started to look around to find the origin of that smell. And there it was - this little, yellow quince.

I felt like I had never seen this around here. Then, suddenly, the realizations rushed in like tidal waves. That quince had been there since my mother haphazardly bought it a month ago, and I barely even recognized its presence. Yet, it had been refreshing this dusty office area and brightening the scenery of this languid space since then. It was something that gave a bit of vividness of this environment.

It occurred to me that this was the first time I had ever had a quince in my house since I moved to U.S. Quinces were plenty when I was living in my home country Korea but, in U.S, I rarely saw them. If my mother didn't incidentally buy this quince, it could have been erased from my memory for long time. This thought of forgetting and not seeing something immediately gave me chills - I wouldn't be able to recall the pleasant smell and the vibrant color the quince brought and its impact on the bland environment; it would be like living in black and white.

Luckily, the bad scenario didn't happen. And, voila, I saw the unnoticed beauty through this incident. I didn't come to a nirvana, but it was a good start.

Like this quince, we neglect many incidents that have unnoticed beauty. Being from Colorado, many people, including me, dread snow. Aside from making great scenery, snow's real beauty is giving opportunities to the nature - snow provide drinking water, irrigation, and period of dormancy for animals like bears.

However, as the global warming persists, amount of snowfall keeps decreasing. Ultimately, the lives that were reliant on snow's inner beauty will be affected - disasters such as drinking water shortage and food shortage from draughts caused by snow deficit could all break out.

This is a challenge for everyone. This also presents a goal for me: to contribute as much as I can to ameliorate the global warming. There are so many underlying beauties that I have not discovered or seen yet that I don't want them to disappear. Whether these beauties are environmental or mental - such as one's sacrifice like Tim Thomas from the move Seven Pounds or anonymous donations -, global warming will change our ways of living and make those unnoticed beauties even harder to recognize, as people will struggle to survive rather than appreciate.

At Colby, I will have myriads of opportunities to pursue my goal of contributing to the global warming by improving alternative energy solutions. I want to join the renowned Colby professors' researches about the alternative energy. Also, I want to be the part of the community and diversify it more by sharing my ideals that I have learned from being an international student at young age. And finally, I want to keep discovering these unnoticed beauties at Colby and appreciate them.

i feel like my ending is really weak.. so please give me some insights/suggestions! thanks!

Undergraduate / Georgia tech - what would you hope to learn and contribute to community? [4]

Georgia Tech is proud to draw students from around the United States and countries throughout the world. This unique compilation of academic interests, personal backgrounds, and various life experiences creates an exciting and inspiring educational mix. Given your personal background, what would you hope to learn and contribute through becoming part of this sort of campus community? <=== prompt

thanks for reading! with my credentials, i wont make it to GT without writing a really good essay so please be harsh or honest as you can be and tell me what i shud do to cut it. im bit concerned about the length of the essay as well. the limit is 5000 characters and mine has 4176 characters.

also do you think this is too much of cliche topic? please let me know
thanks !

I can vividly remember the first car I have ever ridden - a Hyundai Excel, which was my family's first car. It was not an ecstatic car like BMW, more of rudimentary car for a middle-class family in Korea, where I grew up. Although I was barely in pre-school, Excel was enough to fascinate me about the cars. What does gasoline do? How does steering wheel direct the car? How does car speed up? However, as I started to go to school and read car magazines, my questions became more complex. I wanted to know why BMW's engine was more powerful than Hyundai's, how computer is integrated into a car's performance, and how aerodynamics can help the speed of the car and more. My desire to learn more about the car technology intensified as time went by.

Then, I had an unexpected turn-around in my life: my parents decided to move to U.S. I was excited, as there was more variety of cars, as well as more interest groups on the cars. However, strangely, I began to have a break of my interest in cars. I became interested in environmental protection. There was much environmental protection awareness in my science classes' curriculum, which I didn't even have a single discussion about in Korea. The most intriguing environmental problem that my American teachers taught me was the peak oil theory - how once oil price reaches to the maximum and the oil production would decrease afterward. I did not know that the crude oil will run out on the earth in few decade, not few centuries as I thought, and there is a chance that oil price reached the peak already. This was alarming since humanity depends on machinery so much and the majority of machineries are fueled by gasoline or diesel.

I started to imagine how world would look like without machinery. Then, I realized that my main interest would be lost forever - the cars. I felt panicked. People would go back to riding horses for their transportation and it would take decades to reach their destination. Transportation costs would be monstrous and living won't be easy.

Thus, I hope to learn more about the alternative ways to power the car - specifically electric cars. I think that electricity is most accessible form of energy in midst of energy crisis so it would suit best for the car engine. However, there are many challenges to electric cars. It would take too long to charge all-electric cars, and time is very valuable in modern times. Batteries are too big and heavy, which decreases the mileage, and need to be replaced frequently with current technology. Also, for some car manias complain that electric cars are not so powerful and fast as conventional gasoline-operating vehicles; if electric cars are to be standardized, I think the entertainment aspect cannot be ignored.

At Georgia Tech, I will have many opportunities to fulfill my dream. One of the leading research institutions in the world, there will be numerous opportunities at Georgia Tech for me to research about electric cars, even to the master's level which I plan to pursue. Its location, Atlanta, is one of the largest cities in South where many companies are situated and I would able to earn valuable real-life experiences through Georgia Tech Research Institute.

Also, I want to take the opportunity of k-12 outreach program. Ever since I started tutoring, I found that to be enjoyable, as I like having interactions with people and I like helping people. I always think about how to explain the materials that are hard to understand easily, such as using analogies, instead of using strict and textbook-like language, which can be confusing. I'm also thinking about going to teaching careers and this program would give me insights about that path.

I'm excited to share my perspectives that come from my experiences of living in Korea and U.S with my peers. I have shared my opinions on education, marijuana, and social policies and more issued with my friends. Some disagreed with me ferociously but I felt that I influenced them and it was not ephemeral. I hope that I can change some people's philosophy positively and give them new perspectives at Georgia Tech, as well as utilize many academic opportunities I will be given.