Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ashymustard
Name: Paola Silva
Joined: Sep 17, 2019
Last Post: Sep 19, 2019
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: Mexico
School: CETYS

Displayed posts: 3
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ashymustard   
Sep 17, 2019
Undergraduate / UC Personal Insight Question #2: Every person has a creative side... [3]

For the UC application I must answer 4 of the predetermined 8 questions in 200-350 words. I don't know if this counts as an essay but I need help.

Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few.

Describe how you express your creative side.



Most people picture a cobblestone city and a quaint cafe when they think of a place that brings inspiration. But, for every summer of my childhood, the very place that made me most creative was a town in the middle of the Sonoran desert, with no library, no cinema, nothing: Caborca, my parents' childhood home.

I hated it.
I hated it so much that every chance I got, I'd plan my clever escape. Except my plan for freedom wasn't a speedy ride home. Instead, just two things: a notebook and a pen. In such a small town with very little to do, I craved the impossible: tragic jungle princesses, shape shifting dragons, gates to other dimensions.

My boredom was cured, for a moment. By age fourteen, I craved new stories. I read novels, comics, watched movies to discover where stories really came from.

It wasn't until I came back to Caborca that I caught myself listening to family gossip. My uncle running off to his internet wife in Guatemala. My sixty year-old aunt's dream to have a quinceanera. My grandma hiding as train luggage because her parents couldn't pay the ticket...

Where I longed to escape to impossible realms, now had all I wanted. Stories. And so many of them! This vast narrative all unearthed once I decided to pay attention. I started writing again. In ninth grade I participated and won second place in a regional writing competition in Mexico, with a short story about a young boy who defines himself by the legends his small town preserves.

Through high school, my creative writing professor Joel Flores taught me how to transform the abundant stories around me, reminding me that I could weave fantasy into realism.

He showed me every novel made a promise: to answer 'the question'. Why was there no cinema in Caborca? Why would my aunt want a quinceanera after so long? I approach new people and experiences with questions. I want to know their stories.

Storytelling is no longer a medium I only use to escape boredom. Now, it's the way I connect with others.
ashymustard   
Sep 18, 2019
Undergraduate / UC Personal Insight Question #2: Every person has a creative side... [3]

@Maria
Thank you Maria. I assume by repitition you mean the lines "I hated it. I hated it so much..."
I really enjoyed describing the stories I came up with in childhood, but I agree that it doesn't work in showing how I express my creativity.

By 'content', do you think I should include more about the Creative Writing class I took, the contest I participated in, or should I talk more about my family?

Thank you again for your feedback.
ashymustard   
Sep 19, 2019
Scholarship / Humanitarian club - leadership and influencing skills to prove that you're a good leader [2]

First I think you should be very proud of what you've accomplished; it's difficult to find things to write about, but with the experiences you describe here I can see you'll have no problem with that.

However, I think you wrote phrases that are too complicated for what you're describing:

...allowed me to create an environment conducive to moments of exchange...

...ensure a better transmission of knowledge...

Being leader of this action...
Especially here where the word 'action' hardly takes an effect on the phrase.

...thanks to sharing ideas and making collective decisions...

There is a woman who inspired me and it's my boss in my internship.
How about... 'My boss was the woman who inspired me to change.'

Show how you created a place for conversation, how you transmited knowledge, what collective decisions were made to get you there. Less is more in these essays: instead of using verbs like "allowed me to create", say "created".

I mention this because cutting filler words makes for fluid writing, and more words for you to use.

Other details I noticed:

In my second year at university, I became a founding member of an internationally recognized humanitarian club the club that aims to spread peace in the world

We organized fundraising event, a fashion show for children with Syndrome of Trisomy 21, from which the winnings will be added for them.

Overall, you have things to talk about. That's hard already. But the structure of your essay is lacking. You wouldn't want the way you present these achievements to be a detriment, so I advise you to read again. Edit out the words that are restating things mentioned before, words that don't add much to the paragraph. And with the spare words, dive into the people that inspired you, the actions you took and why you deserve this scholarship more than others.
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