Tony999
Oct 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / Australians who attended to muscle building exercises - by gender and age - IELTS1 [4]
Please help me to check about vocabularies,grammar,and sentence structures in this essay,thank you so much
The given graph depicted data on the percentage of Australian people who attended to muscle building exercises follow different genders and ages in 2010.As can be seen, there was a considerable variation between male and female figures over the periods of 40 years. In details, the female quantity had tendency to do exercises much more than male quantity from 25 to 64 years old, after the age of 65 and over, there was a likely equivalent about the proportion of male and female people who enjoyed sporty activities.
Before 24 years old, the rate of male figure was higher in comparison with female figure in sporty activities by almost 5 percent. After the age of 25, the number of man experienced a slight downfall from 42,2 percent to 39,5 percent at 35 years old. Over the period of 20 years after age of 35, it showed a significant upward trend from 39,5 percent to 45,1 percent.
Meanwhile, the female proportion witnessed a dramatic growth from 48,9 percent to 52,5 percent between 34 and 45 years old. And it reached highest level at the age of 54,at 53,3 percent. However, from 54 to 64 years old, it remained stable, whereas, male proportion increased slightly to 2 percent at this period of age. In general, after 65 years old, it experienced a steadiness between male and female figures.
Please help me to check about vocabularies,grammar,and sentence structures in this essay,thank you so much
Percentage of Austrlian men and women doing regular physical activity in 2010
The given graph depicted data on the percentage of Australian people who attended to muscle building exercises follow different genders and ages in 2010.As can be seen, there was a considerable variation between male and female figures over the periods of 40 years. In details, the female quantity had tendency to do exercises much more than male quantity from 25 to 64 years old, after the age of 65 and over, there was a likely equivalent about the proportion of male and female people who enjoyed sporty activities.
Before 24 years old, the rate of male figure was higher in comparison with female figure in sporty activities by almost 5 percent. After the age of 25, the number of man experienced a slight downfall from 42,2 percent to 39,5 percent at 35 years old. Over the period of 20 years after age of 35, it showed a significant upward trend from 39,5 percent to 45,1 percent.
Meanwhile, the female proportion witnessed a dramatic growth from 48,9 percent to 52,5 percent between 34 and 45 years old. And it reached highest level at the age of 54,at 53,3 percent. However, from 54 to 64 years old, it remained stable, whereas, male proportion increased slightly to 2 percent at this period of age. In general, after 65 years old, it experienced a steadiness between male and female figures.
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