rhutch
Oct 5, 2009
Undergraduate / UCF personal obstacle; Life was good, money wasn't ever a problem [2]
For me, to improve this piece, it is important to develop the problems that your family had. It is difficult to feel "bad" for you, if I'm being honest, when you are living in a million-dollar house, and it doesn't really follow that you have "no income" when your own "about thirty real estate investments."
To an outsider, it sounds like you shouldn't have had that hard of a time hiring someone to manage your assets in a profitable way. To develop this essay, you should focus more on the emotional toll of your father leaving. This is not really noted here, and I'm sure was the most devastating part. I recognize that this experience taught you to be careful with money, but it seems to me, the more important takeaway here is the lack of importance money has, compared to your family and well-being.
You all had a lot of money, and it didn't save you from this experience (it might have made it worse). Perhaps this is more of a philosophical question, because I shouldn't talk for the way that you feel, but in reading this piece, I feel more emotionally connected to your family trouble, and the subsequent immersion in school work as a coping method.
I would focus on this issue, more than how bad it sucked to have to give up your Mercedes.
For me, to improve this piece, it is important to develop the problems that your family had. It is difficult to feel "bad" for you, if I'm being honest, when you are living in a million-dollar house, and it doesn't really follow that you have "no income" when your own "about thirty real estate investments."
To an outsider, it sounds like you shouldn't have had that hard of a time hiring someone to manage your assets in a profitable way. To develop this essay, you should focus more on the emotional toll of your father leaving. This is not really noted here, and I'm sure was the most devastating part. I recognize that this experience taught you to be careful with money, but it seems to me, the more important takeaway here is the lack of importance money has, compared to your family and well-being.
You all had a lot of money, and it didn't save you from this experience (it might have made it worse). Perhaps this is more of a philosophical question, because I shouldn't talk for the way that you feel, but in reading this piece, I feel more emotionally connected to your family trouble, and the subsequent immersion in school work as a coping method.
I would focus on this issue, more than how bad it sucked to have to give up your Mercedes.