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Posts by faizunaa [Suspended]
Name: Mushonnifun Faiz Sugihartanto
Joined: Jul 28, 2020
Last Post: Jul 28, 2020
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Sweden
School: Lund University

Displayed posts: 2
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faizunaa   
Jul 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / Survey about people's consumption behavior of purchasing coffee and tea in several Australian cities [3]

Dear All, I hope everyone is fine here.
I am working on my IELTS test preparation at 16th August now.

So, I would like to ask for help from all of you to assess my IELTS Task 1.

Coffee and Tea Buying and Drinking Habits in Five Cities in Australia



A survey about people's consumption behavior of purchasing coffee and tea in several cities in Australia was conducted and the result is depicted through a bar chart. Overall, in the last 4 weeks, most of the people in every region preferred to eat out in a café for a coffee or tea rather than bought either fresh or instant coffee.

It can be clearly seen that a slightly distinct trend is shown from Adelaide that most of the residents there (50%) purchased instant coffee, while around 1% lower percentage shown that people there bought instant coffee. In addition, consumers who choose to buy fresh coffee there only account for around 34%.

Meanwhile, a similar trend is portrayed in the other four cities. Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and Hobart demonstrate equal pattern: the inhabitants who live there have a preference to drink either coffee or tea in the shop directly, then it was followed by instant coffee, and lastly fresh coffee. Melbourne and Hobart positioned as the largest percentage of people who like to go to a café, about 63% of them. Then it was followed by Sydney and Brisbane, around 61% and 56% respectively. The most remarkable percentage of people who bought instant coffee is shown in Brisbane (around 53%), while the tiniest could be found in Sydney (46%). Both Brisbane and Adelaide highlight the lowest percentage at 34% of people who purchased fresh coffee, while Sydney, on the top of it (44%).

Total Words: 244 Words

Thank you very much



  • C15Test1Task1.pn.png
faizunaa   
Jul 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / Teaching discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, or it's parents duty? [7]

Its a good writing overall, I don't find any grammar mistakes. However, you may consider to replace these word in order to reach higher band score as this word can be classified as C-level

1. to widerdegrees based >>> to more comprehensive [C1 words]
2. a greater impact >>> a more significant [B2 words]

I do agree also to use 4 paragraphs rather than five. The fourth paragraph seems categorized as a thesis statement, thus, it can probably moved after the introduction to show your position regarding this issue.

Good Luck.
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