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Posts by ddejud
Name: Daniel Dejud
Joined: Sep 27, 2020
Last Post: Sep 28, 2020
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: Panama
School: AIB

Displayed posts: 3
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ddejud   
Sep 27, 2020
Undergraduate / Hard-working, analytical, intellectual - Application essay from an international student. [5]

I will be applying to universities this year and I'm currently working on my personal profile. It would be of huge help if I could get some feedback on this one.

Tell us about who you are.


How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

In an academic level, I am mostly described by others as a hard-working, analytical, intellectual, and helping person. On the other hand, and on a more personal level, they would say I am happy, optimistic, loving, understanding, and successful. I like to think those traits apply to me, but I also want to emphasize that they did not come embedded in me and that I actually had to work hard for them. Like everyone, I have been through troubling times. I will go on ahead and elaborate on what I just said by talking about what I am most proud of.

I could easily start talking about my academic and extracurricular achievements, but I would just be lying to myself. In reality, what makes me proudest started when I was suffering from severe anxiety; I was always comparing myself to others and looking for ways in which I could be better than them. This was my biggest mistake. It turns out that by constantly looking towards others to justify my self-worth, I was just jeopardizing my self-esteem. What makes me the proudest about myself is that I was able to realize and understand this, and I made changes to my way of thinking that made me who I am today: I started competing against myself, seeing others as support and not adversaries, and for the first time I started believing in my own potential. There's still much to be done, but I'm proud of what I have achieved so far.
ddejud   
Sep 28, 2020
Undergraduate / Hard-working, analytical, intellectual - Application essay from an international student. [5]

@tolbertk
Thank you very much for your feedback! What do you think of "I went from envying those at the top to acquiring the highest average in the school while being happier and working harder to outdo myself every day" for an example? Also, do you have any suggestions for the conclusion? I can't think of anything right now.
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