Scholarship / How the media honed my interest in languages- Study Plan GKS 2021 undergradute scholarships [3]

"It was while I was learning Chinese I ...": I think this sentence should not be put there because it did not connect much with the later sentence

I also think that in the second paragraph, you should organize clear your ideas, each sentence is great, but they makes me fell confused to connect them.

Writing Feedback / What are the benefits of pursuing university education? [4]

"After finishing high school, there are ...": because it is the introducing sentence, I hope that you could make it more attractive

" In knowledge-based society, parents ...": I think it is not enough persuadable

"In order to not fall back in the developing ...": you just need to study? I want deeper.
I think you just need to choose fewer ideas, but focus to analyze deeper. It will make your essay more valuable to read, because now I think it is so general.

After finishing your essay, you could use grammar to check you Grammar again.