Writing Feedback / Task2: The benefits and disadvantages of working from home [7]

I think you did not actually follow the required outline of an essay as there was no introduction. You should paraphrase the given task and give an answer to the questions (is it a positive or negative development?) to form a standard introduction. Moreover, you should devide the body into 2 paragraphs, one will present the first reason for your opinion, and another one will present the second reason.

There are some repetitions in your essay, for example, "This means that they could work more easily and maybe work more efficiently..."
There are also some grammatical errors "Besides, working at home will also help people do not have to drive to work or school...". I think you should write "...working at home means that people do not have to drive to work...which help significantly reduce gas emission from vehicles..."

Overall, your opinion has not been presented clearly and appropriately within the essay. You may need to read the outline of a correct essay and improve your grammar as well.

Hope these comments will help you!