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Posts by uwu_kinn
Name: Phuong Linh
Joined: Jun 25, 2021
Last Post: Jun 27, 2021
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Vietnam
School: National University of Economics

Displayed posts: 2
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uwu_kinn   
Jun 25, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: coal mining site and its renewed version as an entertainment destination [2]

coal mine redevelopment



Topic: The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My writing (160 words):

The maps illustrate a coal mining site and its renewed version as an entertainment destination.

Overall, the site was completely reformed and upgraded to fit its new use. Except for the car park which remained the same, all amenities changed, and there were two new constructions which were a walking track and a children playground.

One apparent change was the use of most buildings. For example, while two rooms for staff at the northwest corner merged and turned into a museum, the medical center was reconstructed into a cafe. On the opposite side of the cafe and the museum, two past waste sites transformed into a pond and a driving circuit.

The other striking changes were the newly constructed walking track and a children's playground. The walking track started from the middle of the attraction landmark, right in front of the entrance, and led to the northeast side of the site. The children's playground was situated at the southeast corner.



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uwu_kinn   
Jun 27, 2021
Writing Feedback / People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned? [4]

In my opinion, you should spend more time on proofreading as there have been some apparent flaws.
- first 2 sentences in the first paragraph do not go along well as they don't show any contrasting meaning whatsoever. You should write: "It is vital to ... sports. However, there has been a considerable rise in new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock..."

-There is some unsuitable word usage. For example, "loss of good points" can be "disadvantages"
-Grammar needs to be corrected. For example, "...there are is a variety of sky-diving..."
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