Undergraduate / Best Friend's Suicide (COMMON APP ESSAY PROMPT #1) [12]

ok so this essay is for LMU's undergrad dept. It's my personal essay/statement and I would like any open advice/edits/opinions! the prompt is as follows:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Emmeline Wang
Prompt #1

On October 14th, 2008, suicide claimed my cousin Jocelyn's life. At only the age of fifteen, this event never seemed like it was meant to be. From that day on, my life seemed harder than I could have ever imagined.

Ever since our childhood, Jocelyn had been my best friend. Only being one year apart from each other, I saw her as a mentor, not just my cousin. She was the first person to find out anything and everything about me. Talking to her was like talking to God; free of judgment, supportive, and loving. In the summertime, she used to sleep over for weeks at a time and we would do ride our bikes, play video games, and simply talk about the people we liked at school.

Jocelyn was a brilliant girl. In fact, she knew how to solve other peoples' problems while simultaneously writing novels, sketching breath-taking pictures, and reading intellectually challenging books. The line she always used to help me go on and constantly fight in life was, "No matter the circumstances, you have two options: to give up or keep going." Even though Jocelyn loved to help others with their issues, she never liked to vocalize her own. Being her closest cousin, I started to see her gradually slide into depression. At only the age of ten, her problems started to manifest from her parent's divorce. She always blamed that situation upon herself and never realized that it wasn't her fault. By high school, Jocelyn became more secretive with her issues and never told anyone about her troubles. Even therapists that worked to help her out didn't see that she was chronically depressed. Finally, she could no longer handle the pain of continuing life and that was when she decided to cut her life short.

Crying on the inside and out, I couldn't fathom the reason for Jocelyn's decision to leave. Still remembering the very last conversation I had with her, I cried and cried wishing that I could tell her one last thing before she left: "I love you Jocelyn and I wish I could see you one last time," instead of telling her what my costume was going to be for Halloween. Waking up the next morning, I contemplated how and why my cousin would commit to such a thing. The quote of "having two options" stuck in my head because I never thought Jocelyn would give up. An array of ideas were running through my head, but I knew one thing for sure; my cousin was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. Everything in my life seemed dark and my stomach constantly churned from picturing her suicide. My friends at school kept questioning me, "Emmeline, what's wrong?" Right when that question was asked, the waterworks began and I ran into the bathroom, blocking everything and everyone out. During that time, my self esteem dramatically lowered and I felt vulnerable to any type of human contact.

I really did not care about anything anymore. The loss of a best friend just seemed too unreal. There was no one else I could talk to about anything anymore. I hated talking to people simply because it wasn't the same as talking to my cousin. From that point on, I went from being a comical and enthusiastic girl to a sad and lonely one. I felt betrayed and left behind by my cousin because I could never understand why she would do such a thing to me. I had a right to be mad but at the same time, I was being rude and selfish because I knew she was suffering inside. "If I knew she was suffering and had the chance to help her, would that make a difference at all?" This question lingered in my head and gave me the biggest heartache I have ever had in my years of living. It was just one of those things where I did not know to be angry, sad, or depressed. It was just a huge clump of negative emotions that tore me up. Living with all these emotions pent up inside me, there were points in my life where I would just sit and cry in confusion and hysteria. Everyone lives with regrets in their lives, but the regret I had to live with was something I could never get over. Vividly recalling my conversation with her before she left made me feel like I did not really have the chance to tell her how I truly felt.

If I ever had the chance to see Jocelyn again, I would embrace her with all the love a person can possibly give. Often times when I go to events like school dances or simple things like a walk in the park, I always think of Jocelyn and how I could have taken her out to all those places with me. As a senior in high school, I still cry from time to time, pondering about graduation and how my cousin won't be there to share laughs and memories with me as I would with her a year later. Since Jocelyn's death, I have been sharing her story with many depressed individuals and how they would affect their loved ones if they suddenly decided to leave. With a story like this, the only positive effect I can get from it is that Jocelyn has saved many innocent lives that were not supposed to leave yet. All I could do is finally let go and see it as one life sacrificed to save many others.

Even though I sometimes still hang on to the regrets of not seeing things through, I have to think that Jocelyn is resting peacefully now and there is nothing I can do to bring her back. She has truly inspired me in many different ways. In fact, her passing motivated me to start talking to individuals that need someone to talk to when they are at their all time low. I have been going to retirement homes talking to the elderly and I am currently working on being a volunteer for a crisis hotline. If I have this much remorse, I figured that I must not wait any longer and fix that with other people so they do not end up doing the same thing.

After Jocelyn passed away, I learned to appreciate life and how I have the opportunity to help others with their problems like she did. Even though her life was robbed by suicide, I feel that I have to continue my life and save others because they do not deserve to have the same terrible predicament as my cousin. Although my cousin never tried to reach out to others for help, I feel that I have to reach out to the suffering by offering as much service as I possibly can. I know my cousin would say, "Emmeline, I am proud of you for continuing in life and never giving up on yourself despite the circumstances," if she was still alive. I will never forget Jocelyn's constant struggle while she was alive, making her my best friend forever and an irreplaceable presence.

Undergraduate / Supplement for LMU: "The Journey to be Oneself" [2]

LMU Supplement
Emmeline Wang
Prompt #1
here is the prompt:
STATEMENT 1: In his homily at the Class of 2005's Baccalaureate Mass, LMU's President Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J., said: ''So what is the answer to this deep insecurity we all feel? The answer, I think, is to embrace the adventure of becoming deeply, and fully, ourselves. This is what God is really calling us to. It seems like the riskiest of all journeys, this journey to be one self. But it's ultimately the journey that leads us to happiness, that leads us into God's dreams for us.''

QUESTION 1: Why do you think Fr. Lawton says the ''journey to be oneself'' seems the riskiest of all journeys? What risks lie ahead in your college career as you embark on the ''adventure'' of discovering and becoming yourself?

please edit! thanks!

Throughout the years, I have often contemplated what my life might look like in the future. After college, I might have the luxury of living anywhere my heart desires. I might be a lawyer and travel around the world to work with my clients. Or I might even chase my wildest dreams of becoming a guitarist and performing in front of huge crowds in boisterous stadiums. The opportunities are endless, but at the same time, this means that I have absolutely no idea of what and where my life will end up. God has given me so many choices and paths to choose from, but I cannot predict how my life will be until I actually reach that point. That statement is enough to make me feel a little insecure. However, I believe that since God has given me all these options, he is waiting for me to find my true inner self within that one option I so happen to choose. The main thing is that God has already set out a number of paths for me to choose from and he is waiting for me to pick the right one. He has blessed me with a number of important people in my life to help me figure out which way I want to go. On the other hand, he has also chosen a number of important people that will leave my life. Now the question is, how will I attempt to find the path to follow? That is the journey I just have to find out for myself. Through an observation of my past all the way to predicting my future, there are a list of inevitable risks I would have to take along the way to actually figure out who I really am.

The key to life is transitioning from confusion to realization. By being open to trying new things, I have had the chance to explore different paths, testing them out for how well they fit with my personality. For instance, when I was only five years old, my mom encouraged me to take ballet lessons. Needless to say, as someone who was practically born out of the womb as a tomboy, I was not a fan. At the time, I was so confused why she would make me do such a thing. However, I have realized since that time that she was only trying to give me as many options possible so that I could discover my talents and hobbies. While giving me the chance to try such things, it has also given me more confusion than I already had from the start. After going through new activities here and there, my mom finally helped me stumble across a significant discovery at a young age. I never knew I had a hidden talent until I played softball when I was twelve. Within a few months of trying softball, I was able to start playing on a competitive team with the hopes of playing in college.

The main risk of having just one path to follow on, however, is that a dead end could be created at any given moment. In fact, there are many external conflicts that may affect one's journey. In a literary work such as The Odyssey by Homer, Odysseus ventures out on a journey himself. With challenging obstacles such as fighting Poseidon, the god of the sea, Odysseus goes through many tough situations that set him back from his journey home. As for me, my path was detoured because of an uncontrollable drawback. At the beginning of the year, I had to quit my dream of playing travel softball because my dad became unemployed at the time. We could not pay for the tuition and traveling expenses and as a result, I will never know if I had the opportunity to play at the collegiate level on a scholarship. However, that does not stop me from reaching my goal as I will still play for an intramural or club team when I attend college. Just like Odysseus, I have had drawbacks that hindered my progress, but it does not mean I will not reach the finish line.

College is a huge factor that will determine where my future could end up. A major risk that I would eventually encounter in college has to do with friendships and relationships. I may lose friends because of my faiths and values but I cannot let that distract me from my goal. During my Junior year in high school, I lost a key person in my life; my cousin Jocelyn. At the time, that incident tore me apart and I did not know if I could continue with pursuing my dreams. At a time like that, my dreams came to a screeching halt and I simply had no interest in anything. It felt like there was an indestructible roadblock in the way and it would have to take a lot of effort to pass through it. However, I mustered up the courage to break through this obstacle and at the moment of doing so, I realized that I cannot ever change for anyone no matter what.

While in college, I know I will be exposed to many different kinds of pressures that may or may not change who I am. Some pressures include cheating, stealing, and even doing drugs. However, with the values my family has instilled in me, I know I would never take any of those risks because it is morally wrong. Although it may take a long time to actually discover myself, being exposed to some pressures in college will reveal who I really am.

It can be very difficult to discover oneself, but it can also be exciting at the same time. Although there are many risks I have to take to get to the point where I know myself inside and out, I will eventually know that all the ones I have taken were all worth it. Many outside and uncontrollable factors will also affect my journey but I know that no matter which route I end up choosing, God will be there right by my side.