Writing Feedback / It is believed that daredevil sports, such as skydiving or skiing, should be restricted [4]

@Holt
So if I present a strong disagreement, I have to include both disagreeing points, right? Also, this is my first time trying ielts writing so I still need to learn a lot about the writing format

Writing Feedback / It is believed that daredevil sports, such as skydiving or skiing, should be restricted [4]

@Holt
Anyway, this is a re-edited version, is it better than the original one?

It is believed that daredevil sports such as skydiving and skiing should be restricted because of their dangerous nature. Although I agree that these sports pose considerable risks to players, I think they should not be banned at all.

Admittedly, extreme sports are truly perilous and may threaten the lives of any participants. They mostly involve life-threatening physical maneuvers such as jumping off from high altitude or traveling at tremendously high speed. If players are careless or lack some of the protective gears such as helmets or body armors while performing them, they might face the risk of being seriously injured or losing their lives. Because of these reasons, there are many warning signs at every extreme sports site to remind people of the dangers they can suffer from. Apparently, that playing extreme sports is unsafe is a widely acknowledged one.

However, I believe that a banning decision on these types of sports should not be implemented because of these following reasons. First, they are not as risky as they might seem. This is because there are several ways to mitigate their danger. For example, people can have special training sessions with the professionals before engaging in extreme sports, and their entire playing process must be placed under strict supervision by the safety staff. Second, supposed the government proceeds to prohibit these sports, it may face rigorous public opposition. Such waves of protest are mainly from people who consider playing extreme sports a way to satisfy their thirst for adventure, and they would view the prohibition as a violation of their human rights. Thus, it would be unwise to make extreme sports against the rules.

In conclusion, though I subscribe to the viewpoint that extreme sports are hazardous, I think there is no need to enact a ban on them because of the reasons mentioned above.

Writing Feedback / Climate change is a big environmental problem that has become critical in last couple of decades [3]

Here is my opinion on your essay. I hope you consider all of them.
First, the first sentence of your introduction is way too long. This would lower your readability score, so I suggest you shorten it by just paraphrasing the first sentence of the topic.

Second, there are two issues that need addressing in the topic, namely "stop burning fossil fuels and use only alternative energy resources" and "oil, gas, and coal are essential for many industries, and not using them will lead to economic collapse". Therefore, in the second sentence of your introduction, you need to specify your opinions on both sides. But, it seems that you have only stated your arguments for the former side and forgotten the latter one.

In the first body paragraph, your topic sentence is irrelevant. What you should do here is to write a general statement about the possibility of stopping burning fossil fuels and starting using alternative resources. Because of your incorrect topic sentence, the first body paragraph is completely off track. This leads to a severe reduction in your TA score.

The topic sentence of the second paragraph is good, but I don't understand what the phrase " for other environmental-friendly ones" means, so this seems to be a mistake in your word choice. However, the entire paragraph here is off-topic again. You need to elaborate on the reasons why not using fossil fuels would lead to economic collapse. Instead, you are writing about countries helping each other, which is irrelevant.

Your conclusion shows little connection with your body paragraphs. What you should do here is to restate your opinions on the presented topic and summarize everything you have written.

There are many problems that need fixing.

Writing Feedback / Food shortage is still prevalent, despite of using modern technologies in the agricultural industry [3]

You did a good job of paraphrasing the topic sentence, but your next two ones are faulty and would lead to a TA reduction. I suggest you write "in my view, this problem is caused by ........, and it can be dealt with by solutions such as ....... and ...... ".

In the first body paragraph, the topic sentence is irrelevant. What you need to do is to write a statement about the causes leading to widespread starvation,and then elaborate it by explaining the causes and providing some examples. Next, you haven't written a mini conclusion for the paragraph, this means you CC score is reduced.

You second topic sentence is good, but i think it can be better written. However, the solutions you provided here are not so convincing. Try thinking of two alternative solutions that may sound better and explain them in significant detail. This helps boost your TA score.

The conclusion is good.