Undergraduate / "My Mission Trip" - UF prompt [3]

just need a revision please and thank you.

It is five o'clock on a blistering May morning, and I quietly gather in the courtyard with dozens of other devoted teenagers. I put on my work gloves, mosquito repellant, and grab a bottle of water for the lengthy walk to the orphanage shelter. As I explore the city, I witness unclothed children, houses made of twigs covered in untamed vines, and stray cats roaming carelessly. Finally, I draw near to my destination. There, I embark on the project of creating a bathroom for these unfortunate children.

During the summer of 2006 I decided to go on a mission trip to help the inopportune in Jamaica. Though I never had any prior experience, I became particularly interested after hearing of the success and satisfaction my cousin felt from going to Haiti. As a result, that April, I doggedly sent out letters to relatives and close friends asking for financial support and encouragement. After two long weeks of doing research and raising money, I finally raised enough to go to Montego Bay, a small town clothed in frail humanity.

Upon arriving to our residence for the week, I soon discovered it was inundated with mosquitoes and lacked the pleasures of electricity. However, this setback only pushed me to work harder for these adverse individuals who lived like this every day of their lives. Our focal objective was to construct a bathroom for an orphanage filled with children that had been raped, abused, or abandoned as babies. Sadly, most of these adolescents contained the HIV AIDS virus, or other sexually transmitted diseases. My first task was to make a foundation for the restroom. As I poured wet cement into the baseboards, a little girl caught my peripheral. She was isolated in the corner, feet as rough as a stray dog's; skin sensitive, yet powerlessly ashy. Graciously, I walked over to talk to her and make her feel as a part of the team. I discovered she was abandoned as a baby and never knew her mother. Moreover, I learned that she volunteered at a nursing home on weekends, which absolutely blew me away. How could a child so fragile and poor still have the heart to help those that are even worse off than her? The answer is a mystery. But the compassion that little girl had outdid that of a thousand angels. We exchanged addresses, and from that point on we promised to send a letter updating each other every month.

The little girl changed my perception on life forever. No matter how hard we try to avoid it, people are always going to need assistance and I am the remedy. I can make a difference. I have been blessed with many gifts; for instance, athletic talents, a strong academic mind, and a heart that will always provide love for those who need it. Therefore, I feel that it is my responsibility to share my gifts with others and to use them to their full potentials.

Undergraduate / "My parent's divorce" - UCF prompt [5]

Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

1. At the age of five, my parents filed for divorce; consequently, I have been living with my mother in a single parent household ever since. There was no alimony or child support, and over the years I watched my mother struggle to support my sister, my brother and myself. Ironically my father also divorced his children. I lost the father I had once known, he transformed entirely while trying to deal with the situation. Or perhaps this is who he always was and I had just never seen it. I was forced to endure not only a changing relationship with him, but desertion--a loss far more demoralizing than bereavement. For desertion carries the optimism of reconciliation, and the fear of not being worth enough for that to occur. My father moved to Miami and for twelve years he didn't even have the courage to send his youngest son a birthday card, let alone a phone call. I've been forced to accept a fatherless life, but I do not despair. For this has made me a stronger individual. I know the true feeling of scared; therefore, dilemmas that others might flee from are only mere blemishes to me. Although most kids approach similar situations negatively, I isolate the positives. I see it as an opportunity to grow psychologically and spiritually. It's a chance to cement my position to provide my future children with a better life, giving them the trophy father that every child deserves.

4. Unorganized. A typical characteristic of the average teenager--frantically scavenging through a backpack full of faded papers for last night's homework. Not me, for I am not average. I've grown to realize planning and prioritizing are essential attributes to nurture if success is desired. Even at a tender age my mother always pushed me to do what was needed to be done. There's time for play, and then there's time for learning. The key is simply knowing when to do which. Education always comes first. I do not allow distractions to pierce the concentration of my intellectual growth. Determination and perseverance have molded my character and steered me toward achieving personal goals. I started adolescence as a puny pawn in what seemed like an army of dominant predators in my athletic competitions. I knew I had my work cut out for me. I embarked on a journey in the world of weightlifting. Waking up every day knowing that I had to push myself at the gym with everything I had. The sheer opportunity of succeeding gives me an adrenaline rush far greater than one of an actress before setting foot onstage, motivating me to surpass all expectation.. I have been blessed with many gifts: athletic talent, a strong academic mind, and a loving heart. I have a strong desire to do my part to make this stage of life a better place. In this chaotic world, we must be agents of change. I feel that it is my responsibility, through the UCF community, to share my gifts and use them to their full potential. I trust I can be a valuable asset, lifting others as I myself climb and grow in faith, love, compassion and understanding.

Looking for suggestions, please review, thank you.