Undergraduate / Elaborate on one of your activities.(Yale essay) [7]

guyz.. I have prepared a rough draft for this essay..KIndly give ur reviews and frank critics bout this...Thanx a ton

Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal or work experience)
According to Greek Philosopher Aristotle,"The quality of life is determined by its activities." I first saw this quote when it was written on my fifth-grade ...