Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by KAYW
Joined: Nov 5, 2009
Last Post: Nov 8, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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KAYW   
Nov 7, 2009
Essays / Mom & ME Relat.: Using old Essay..possible? [3]

Ok! For a class I have to write an essay on an influential relationship. I have an essay that I wrote an long time ago and I want to put it in my paper. I know that I could totally redo the old essay, but that's not what I want to do. I want to some how put that whole old essay on my paper and add on to it. To better explain...I know that you can do essay's where you title the paragraphs...we'll I have two titled essay's. My older one will represent how I felt a long time ago...before graduating HS. The the new one will represent how I feel know while in College. It will be me re-reflecting on me and my mother's relationship and my thought's in the older paper. Is there a particular format for something like this??? Another explanation of what I'm trying to say and what my old paper was about: It was basically about how the relationship between parents and their children (me & my mother) is like the game follow the leader and the child plays as a shadow (me) of his or her parent. Then I go on to basically say that that's the game I no longer play because I'm a Senior becoming my own leader. I want to incorporate this paper into my final project paper. I want use my old paper, but add to it. I want to react and re-reflect on our relationship as of now. It will kinda be like as a dependent child this is what our relationship was like, now I'm a senior and this is how it has change so far and I'm on my way to independence and in the new part I will basically talk about how I'm independent, how it impacts our relationship now that I'm in college....basically re-reflect and talk about her impact on me now. Of course I will answer all of the guideline questions for the project in the newer part of the essay. I just want my essay to show the impact of time, growth and maturity of our relationship.

Note: By the way the old essay was titled "Once My Mother's Shadow" and the New one would be called "Re-Reflecting: A Shadow's Independence" or just "Shadow's Independence."
KAYW   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Main Essay about Peer Interaction In Jazz [3]

I absolutely love your essay! It flow's so beautifully (wonderful transitions) and exudes so much passion for music. Your a good writer. Great use of words. As I read your essay...I was able to imagine and feel as though I was in your position...preparing for competition. I love how personal this essay is. The use of quotes (your teacher and peer interaction) brought your essay to life even more. There's no doubt...your getting excepted. GOOD LUCK! =)
KAYW   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Describe environment you come from - feedback [5]

Like far too many children in today's society, >>>How about "Like many children in today's society, ? (I felt as though "Like far too" was awkward and unnecessary...but of course it's up to you). Compliment's: I absolutely love that quote...it's beautiful. I love how personal your essay sounds. But I want to stress addressing the prompt, it seems as though you address half of it. You talk about your family and how that influences you and how it affects you, but there's more to your environment then those things. When there's a prompt...try to tackle as much of it as you can even if it's once sentence. I might suggest after this sentence: "Like far too many children in today's society, I faced parental divorce, guilt, fear of abandonment, disappointment, frustration, loneliness, and blame. We persevered by living a structured life. "...you should elaborate more on those children in your community like you, school and then tie up your essay talking about how your mother helps you deal with your environment and the great lesson you have acquired from her. Good Luck in all and I love your essay...you mother seems great. =)
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