Ilearnhowtowrite
Aug 22, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Bar graph: Multiple social networking sites used in Canada 2014-2015 [3]
The bar graph illustrates how many social media sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015
Overall, most people didn't use more than one social site, and the user numbers decreased as the number of sites used increase increased. In addition, more people opted for more than 3 websites in 2015 than the previous year.
The proportion of people using only one social website was 36% in 2014, accounting for one-third of the total users, after which it experienced a decrease to 28% in 2015. Similar changes, but to a much lesser extent can be seen in the figures for those who didn't use social media, starting at 22% in 2014 before ending the period at 21%.
23% of the users chose to use 2 sites in 2014, followed by a slight rise to 24% in 2015. Similarly, the figures for people opted for more than 3 websites also witnessed an increase, from 12% to 16% for three sites, 5% to 8% for 4 websites, and from 2 to 4% for five sites.
Thank you so much for evaluating my essay! I know it is a recurring question but will be very grateful to receive critical feedback from you.
Would it be better if the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph instead was written as "Overall, most people used at most one social site..."?
% of people using Social networking sites
The bar graph illustrates how many social media sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015
Overall, most people didn't use more than one social site, and the user numbers decreased as the number of sites used increase increased. In addition, more people opted for more than 3 websites in 2015 than the previous year.
The proportion of people using only one social website was 36% in 2014, accounting for one-third of the total users, after which it experienced a decrease to 28% in 2015. Similar changes, but to a much lesser extent can be seen in the figures for those who didn't use social media, starting at 22% in 2014 before ending the period at 21%.
23% of the users chose to use 2 sites in 2014, followed by a slight rise to 24% in 2015. Similarly, the figures for people opted for more than 3 websites also witnessed an increase, from 12% to 16% for three sites, 5% to 8% for 4 websites, and from 2 to 4% for five sites.
Thank you so much for evaluating my essay! I know it is a recurring question but will be very grateful to receive critical feedback from you.
Would it be better if the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph instead was written as "Overall, most people used at most one social site..."?
Canadasocialnetwor.jpg