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IELTS Writing Task 1 - Bar graph: Multiple social networking sites used in Canada 2014-2015


Aug 22, 2023   #1

% of people using Social networking sites



The bar graph illustrates how many social media sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015

Overall, most people didn't use more than one social site, and the user numbers decreased as the number of sites used increase increased. In addition, more people opted for more than 3 websites in 2015 than the previous year.

The proportion of people using only one social website was 36% in 2014, accounting for one-third of the total users, after which it experienced a decrease to 28% in 2015. Similar changes, but to a much lesser extent can be seen in the figures for those who didn't use social media, starting at 22% in 2014 before ending the period at 21%.

23% of the users chose to use 2 sites in 2014, followed by a slight rise to 24% in 2015. Similarly, the figures for people opted for more than 3 websites also witnessed an increase, from 12% to 16% for three sites, 5% to 8% for 4 websites, and from 2 to 4% for five sites.

Thank you so much for evaluating my essay! I know it is a recurring question but will be very grateful to receive critical feedback from you.

Would it be better if the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph instead was written as "Overall, most people used at most one social site..."?



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15036 4827  
Aug 26, 2023   #2
The summary overview is almost a cut and paste of the original presentation. You will not get a passing score for that section. Mostly because you are pretty much just repeating the original presentation word for word and even missing a punctuation mark in the process.

didn't

Do not use contractions in any of the essay tests. Always write in an academic manner. That means, use the 2 word reference instead of the shortcut, combined words. This is still an academic writing test afterall.

sites used increase increased.

I am not sure why you referenced the word increase in 2 different forms here. Was this an oversight on your part or you intended to refer to something unclear to the native English reader by using this reference type?
kainan 2 / 2  
Aug 29, 2023   #3
In the second paragraph " a decrease to 28%" should be changed to "a gradual decrease to 28%"

In paragraph 3, I think that there should be a prefix before the percentage like "Furthermore", or "In addition" will make the writing look more elegant.


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