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Posts by nateq136
Name: Nhat Quang Le
Joined: Feb 20, 2024
Last Post: Oct 8, 2024
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Viet Nam
School: Da Nang Of Science and Technology university

Displayed posts: 5
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nateq136   
Aug 9, 2024
Writing Feedback / The funding - Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features [2]

The table presents the funding provided from some sources from 2017 to 2018. The charts show the proportions of funding spent on several fields in the same period.

Overall, the police budget showed an increase in all providing sources, while the national government source contributed over half of the total budget. In terms of money distribution in different fields, the proportion of salaries for staff and officers dominated, whereas the funding for technology still took the least investment

In 2017, the majority of the budget, amounting to 175.5 million, was contributed by the national government. This amount increased steadily to 177.8 million in 2018. Similarly, local taxes provided 91.2 million in 2017, and this figure rose significantly to 102.3 million in 2018, marking the largest growth among all sources. Funding from other sources, such as grants, experienced a slight increase from 38 million in 2018 to 38.5 million in 2018

Regarding the distribution of the budget across different fields, the percentage of salaries for staff and officers remained highest at 75% in 2017, despite a slight decrease of about 6% in 2018. The funding for technology increased by about 6% from 8% in 2017 to 14% in 2018. However, the proportion of funding for buildings and transport remained the same in both 2017 and 2018 at 17%



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nateq136   
Aug 24, 2024
Writing Feedback / Students should learn all subjects at school, not the ones they like. Do you agree or disagree? [3]

From my perspective, I found some errors and vagued ways of your expression in the essay.
- The phrase "may receive" is vague and does not clearly introduce your argument. It's important to state your position clearly and directly. Improving this to something like, "In today's educational system, it is important for students to receive a well-rounded education," sets up a clear stance and introduces the topic effectively.
- The phrase "young bloods" is informal and colloquial, which is not appropriate for academic writing. "Suffer from a hectic schedule" is also somewhat vague. Rewriting to "Moreover, in today's fast-paced world, many people, including young students, are overwhelmed by a hectic schedule and heavy workloads" is more precise and suitable for an academic context.
- "To explain thoroughly, everybody knows that the future is unpredictable and unforeseeable; therefore, there are some unexpected situations happening, which are out of the knowledge of several subjects, which are only focused on." This sentence is too complex and quite hard to follow, the structure and words are quite messy. You need to simplify it to "Since the future is unpredictable, having a broad knowledge base helps students handle unforeseen challenges that may arise outside their areas of expertise" makes the argument clearer and more focused."

I hope this could you improve your writing skills.
nateq136   
Aug 24, 2024
Writing Feedback / It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. [3]

Topic: It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet.
Do you agree or disagree?

In today's interconnected world, many people believe that one can gain an in-depth understanding of other cultures through books, films, and the internet without the need to physically visit those places. While these resources offer valuable insights, I strongly believe that they can never replace the authentic experience of traveling and engaging with a culture firsthand.

On the one hand, books, films, and the internet provide a convenient and accessible way for people to explore different cultures. With the rapid development of technology, individuals now have access to vast amounts of information from various sources, ranging from documentaries and scholarly articles to virtual tours and online cultural events. These resources can effectively introduce the history, traditions, and daily life of a culture to anyone interested. For example, documentaries often provide well-researched insights into the cultural practices of indigenous communities or ancient civilizations, allowing individuals to broaden their horizons without leaving their homes.

Nevertheless, despite the convenience and wealth of information available online and through media, there are certain aspects of a culture that cannot be fully understood unless experienced in person. Traveling allows individuals to immerse themselves in the sights, sounds, and atmosphere of a culture, creating a deep emotional connection that books and films simply cannot replicate. When one visits a foreign country, the have the opportunity to engage with the local people, taste authentic cuisine, and participate in cultural activities, all of which contribute to a more nuanced and genuine understanding. For instance, reading about traditional festivals might provide useful knowledge, but witnessing and participating in these festivals firsthand of offers a much richer experience.

In conclusion, while books, films, and the internet serve as valuable tools for learning about other cultures, they cannot replace the profound impact of experiencing a culture firsthand. Traveling provides the opportunity to engage with a culture on a deeper, more personal level, which ultimately leads to a fuller and more authentic understanding

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Please give me some feedback. Thanks a lot!
nateq136   
Oct 4, 2024
Writing Feedback / The Death Penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. To what extent do you agree? [5]

After reading your essay, I have some feedback:
- Firstly, regarding the GRA, there are several awkward sentences like "Which is why a number of folks are considered as cruel" which can be better replaced with "This is why many people consider such individuals as cruel", you should focus on the meaning of the sentence, avoid making it nonsense
- You repeated some words like "penalty" or "crime", you can find another word that can replace them to improve the Lexical Resource Score

Overall, while you've structured your essay quite logically, there are still some awkward expressions. To improve, you should focus on expanding your arguments, enhancing your idea expression by reading some writing samples (e.g. Simon), try to upgrade your vocabulary.

I hope this could help you.
nateq136   
Oct 8, 2024
Writing Feedback / Why do we need music? Is a country's traditional music more important than international music [5]

With regards to GRA, I think you should double check your essay to ensure that you didn't make any mistake. The obvious one is "humans' life" -> "human life".
You can use a more formal expression like "preferred by the majority" instead of "picked by everyone"
The conclusion should be clarified more, because it's short and does not contain enough your ideas.

I hope this could help!
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