Undergraduate / "I was born to a family of immigrants" - Editing Help for my admissions essay. [3]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I have never thought about the world I come from, instead always assuming that I was a typical teenager with an average family. Though, looking back upon my life I realize how wrong I was. I was born to a family of immigrants in a rural town in Northern California. Living on a farm I was well acquainted with being lonely at times as I had no siblings and the adults in my life were usually busy with chores. Due to the lack of attention, I always aspired to be the best in everything I did. To this day, whether it is school work, sports, or chores I try my best to accomplish it with perfection.

When I was 7 years old my parents gave me the biggest surprise of my young life. We were moving to the urbanized area of town. I was in shock. I did not know how to feel about either situation. All I could think about was, "Will I make friends at my new school or will nobody like me?" I would worry about it all day, but the more I whined to my parents about not moving the more they scolded me. It was at this point that I realized that there was nothing I could do about it. So I told myself that I didn't care what was going to happen, instead I was just going to enjoy myself as much as I could before we moved. Although it seemed like a temporary mindset, even when we moved I continued to live in the moment. As I grew older I would never regret my mistakes, but instead learned from them, because I knew that I could not change them. I also never thought about the future because I knew that I could not possibly know what is going to happen.

I am a person who lives in the present. I do not stress over what is to come or what has gone by, but instead all that I can enjoy in the present. I do not have many dreams, in fact I only have one and that is to be happy throughout my journey in life. I aspire not only to be the best that I can possibly, but also to try my best to be better then others. I enjoy learning not only in school, but even more so in the "real world". I enjoy learning about other's culture, religion, and beliefs as I refuse to be ignorant and believe that everything I believe in is perfect. Finally this is not to say that I am not my own person. I am my own individual, but I do not think it is wrong to try to learn from those who are successful.

Any editing help would be appreciated,

Thank You

Undergraduate / Helping Someone Dear to Me- UC prompt 2 [5]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment,
Contribution, or experience that is important to you.
What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud
and how does it relate to the person you are?

It is 5 a.m. and I am sound asleep. That is, until I hear a loud grunting sound similar to that of a cowering bulldog. I ignore it at first , assuming it was the neighbor's annoying dog, and pull the covers over my head and try to get some more sleep in before school starts. The grunting continues and sounds to be coming from inside the house. I curiously get up to investigate. I look into my brothers' room, they are peacefully sleeping. I continue down the hall into my sister's room, she too is sleeping. I realize the grunting is coming from my parents' room and begin to worry. I can hear my heart beating faster and faster as I take the long steps to the master bedroom. I finally reach the room and see that the grunting is coming from my father. Scared I call his name and wait for him to wake up and tell me everything is okay. He doesn't reply. I turn on the lights and see blood oozing down the side of my father's face. I remember my father once telling me that as a child he was epileptic and I realize that he is having a seizure and I did not know what to do. I look and see that the other side of the bed is empty and wonder where my mother could be? I remember, she is at work. My mother was always calm and in control; she would know what to do right now. My mind is in a state of panic and I realize that to help my dad I need to pull myself together.

In a second I begin to think clearly. I move my father to his side so he does not choke on the blood in his mouth. I then sprint to the phone and dial 911 asking the dispatcher for an ambulance to come to my home and explaining the situation to her. After being assured that an ambulance is on its way I hang up. I open the front door and turn the lights on. A few minutes later the ambulance shows up, and while preparing my father to be moved onto the stretcher the paramedic asks me a few questions. After explaining to them what happened they take my father to the hospital. The reality of the situation dawns on me and I am afraid for my father. I want to be with him in the hospital, but my siblings would be alone. I look at the clock; it reads 5:10 a.m.

This event took place three months ago and it is something I will remember forever. Seeing my indestructible father vulnerable made me realize that life is short and to enjoy it as much as one possibly could with the loved ones in their life. My father has been there countless times to help me up when I have fallen, and for once I have helped my father back to his feat after he had fallen. Knowing I had helped someone I care about was the best feeling one could imagine.

This is the 2nd UC prompt. My essay on the first UC prompt turned out horribly, hopefully this one is a little better.

Please point out any grammar and spelling mistakes.

Also do not hesitate to criticize any aspect of the essay.

Any help is appreciated.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1-Taking Advantage of My Opportunities [3]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how
your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I can feel the beads of sweat gently sloping down the side of my face, due to the blistering heat in the scorching summer sun. I am standing in the middle of the orchard watching my father and grandfather, drenched in sweat, pick peaches. My grandfather always told me that he had emigrated from Pakistan because of all the opportunities in this country. While watching them in the orchard I wondered if picking peaches was the best opportunity he could take advantage of. I would later and ask him and what he told was that he did not emigrate here for himself, but instead for his future grandchildren. He told me that he wanted the most opportunities in life available for me and my siblings, whether I would take advantage of those opportunities was up to me.

At the time I was too young to completely understand my grandfathers message, but as I grew older I understood what he said and promised myself that I would pursue every opportunity that I was presented to better my life. College is one of these opportunities. Many people are not given the opportunity to attend college in other countries, like my grandfather's native Pakistan. Therefore I am grateful to be given this opportunity. Many of my friends dream of being millionaires when they begin working. I do not care as much about money as they do. Instead I dream of being happy with my choices in life. I want to know that I took advantage of the opportunities presented to me, but also that I helped others that did not have opportunities. My grandfather is the one who presented me with the opportunities of this beautiful country. Hopefully someday I can present people, that are in horrid circumstances beyond their control, with the opportunities some take for granted, like college.

I need help fast. Any help in grammar or content will be appreciated. The deadline is approaching and I am starting to stress.
Thanks