Undergraduate / Restoring The San Juaquin River- UC Prompt 1 Transfer Student [3]

This is a really rough draft. Any critique would be very useful. There is one word missing from the second line in the second paragraph and I am unsure of what word/words to use in that space. Thank you for looking at my essay, also if you critique mine I will also critique yours.

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

The San Juaquin river has always been an intriguing place to me. I have been visiting the river since I was a young child. My father noticed that I had a love for animals and nature at a young age and would take me to the San Juaquin river to observe the natural wildlife, giving me more of an experience than watching neighborhood squirrells running up and down pine trees. With each visit to the river I got to observe the different forms of nature taking place; the rushing river, the growing fauna and flora, the abundant animal life, etc. and began to be amazed by the environment around me. Each adventure to the river would bring new and exciting sights, just getting to see the different bird species that chose the San Juaquin river as a resting place while migrating South left me in anticipation for our next trip. I soon began to learn how important the San Juaquin River is, how it offers a habitat to many species and is an essential part of life to the San Juaquin Valley. The San Juaquin River brings many cultural and natural resources to the Central Valley, including water from the Sierra Nevada moutains. It is the main source of water to the Central Valley's large agricultural system, the valley's main industry. The rivers complexity and importance continued to amazed me. However as I grew older I began to observe the river more closely, noticing the trash and debris silently collecting on the river banks.

My desire to help protect and restore the river from led me to volunteer at the San Juaquin River Parkway and Conservation Trust as a River Steward. River Stewards are volunteers who help maintain the San Juaquin River Parkway by picking up trash and debris in and around the river, cleaning trails, removing invading exotic plants, and restoring the river's natural habitat. Many people visit the San Jouquin River each year, however many fail to recognize that the river and its surrounding environment are under threat by the litter and trash surrounding it. Trash and debris threaten the river, clogging its channels, and killing animal and plant life. The negative effects of humans can easily be seen at the river; rusty box springs and old mattresses thrown into the river clog the river beds, discarded fish hooks, fishing lines ,and plastic six pack holders act as cruel killing devices to animal species, while chemicals from trash and debris poison the plants and the local ecosystem . Armed with black trash bags, gloves, and garbage clamps River Stewards fight to reverse the negative impacts by other humans. By picking up trash and debris around the river I am ensuring the river will continue to be a habitat for natural wildlife, and will continue to bring it's many resources to the Central Valley.

Volunteering at the river made me realize that protecting the environment and the world around me is an essential part of my life. It has made me want to continue to reverse the negative impact humans have had on the environmment and to restore the worlds natural ecology. I know that by volunteering at the San Juaquin River Parkway and Conservation Trust I have made a small impact by helping to restore the river, but my desire is to make more of a positive impact on the world's environment. By learning how to reverse the negative impact humans have had on the environment I would be able to help restore the natural order of the biosphere. The Univeresity of California system offers the knowledge that I need to aquire in order to do so in the Environmental Studies major.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2- A Mother's Challenge [3]

This is my rough draft and any help would be greatly appreciated. Don't be afraid to give harsh critiques! Thank you! The ( ) spaces are places where I need a word to put into, except the first one where I am waiting to find the exact date.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

"Good morning, hunny...someting terrible happened last night and its okay if you need to cry. Your grandma passed away." These are the words I woke up to on( ). People pass away, it is a natural occurence, death while sleeping caused by old age, or a heart attack is not unusual. There were other kids in my second grade classroom who had also experienced the loss of a loved one. They had not however experienced sherrifs and detectives in their homes while waking up in the morning, or seeing their mother in large color prints on the front page of The Fresno Bee, a weary looking mother that was a new sight, a mother with pleading eyes and tears dripping down her cheeks holding an old picture of their grandmother. Eventually my mother could no longer hide the newspapers articles, the television clips, or the endless detectives in our house. My mother had to tell me that my grandmother had not died of natural causes, but that she was murdered at night while working in her used bookstore, The Bookstall. The perpertrator had not left any evidence, not one finger print, having spent time cleaning up all the evidence he knew he had left. Although my mother knows this, she has never stopped searching for my grandmother's killer and continues to this day, years later to fight for justice and find who is responsible for her mother's death. She searches for new ways to solve the crime, persuing new technology, and studies that may get her just a bit closer to finding answers to her numerous questions.

Being a victim of a violent crime has made me a different person than who I would of been, had my grandmother not been a homicide victim. I am proud of my mother's endless pursuit to find answers to her endless questions. Through my mothers extreme example of how one never stops striving to find answers regardless of how troublesome and daunting (or distressing?) a situation may be, has left an impact on how I approach challenges that I am faced with. I know my mother has gone through one of the most challenging experiences a person can experience, yet to this day she lives a happy, fullfilled, and succesful life. With every challenge I am faced with I know I will be able to get through it, if my mother can have a happy ending to a ( ) challenge that very few people experience, leaves me knowing that I will get through my challenging experience; whether it be studying for a final exam, loosing a job, or just having a rough day. My mother has left me with this quality and I could not be more proud since it comes directly from her.