Posts by kryabut

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / "secretary Luisa" - Short Answer [6]

I love how your essay is so interesting and straightforward, yet very honest and original. Great work! There's just a few little grammar tidbits I'd suggest:

"The Double Discovery Center is an academic enrichment, TRIO program "
I would either reword or shorten this part of the sentence, because technically you can't separate the "academic enrichmen" and "TRIO" with a comma. Since you haven't defined what a "TRIO" program is, I think it's sound to just take out the ", TRIO" part and leave "academic enrichment". You still get the point across.

"The main agenda DDC pushes besides academics is open-mindedness to different cultures; hence, my full paid trip to Germany."

I'd change this to:
"In addition to an emphasis on academics, the DDC also promotes open-mindedness to different cultures. The program provided me with a fully paid trip to Germany."

Something like that. A semicolon is meant to join two complete ideas together. "Hence, my full paid trip to Germany." wouldn't be a correct full sentence by itself.

"In Germany, students and I had the opportunity ~~with fellow students~~ to witness famous historical sites, which I ~~have~~had only known about through European history textbooks."

"It is a welcoming place~~, where~~; as soon as I enter, I am greeted with a "H ello Remmy, how are you doing today?" by the kindhearted secretary, Luisa."

Good luck!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - New Yorker, Poem, Movie, Intended discipline [12]

Hey guys! I know, this is SUCH short notice, but I just really wanted to get some quick input on my essays before I send them out tonight. Anything would be great, thanks!

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

I 'd love to spend a day in NYC with Oscar Hammerstein II, whose collaboration with fellow New York composer Richard Rodgers produced the most successful American musical theater songwriting duo of all time. Singing "Oh, what a beautiful morning!", we'd stroll down NYC's Broadway district and catch his famed South Pacific at the Vivian Beaumont Theater on West 65th Street. Contrary to what Rodgers and Hammerstein once wrote, the streets - not the hills - would be alive with the sound of music.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

A Near-Death Experience
Drowning in the depths of injustice and hate
I have no money, but I have heart.
Reaching past the trapped, lost to greed and war
I grasp the hands of my sisters and brothers
They are still human, like me.
Breaking through the surface now; I have saved them
The air is so nice up here
I can breathe.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Spirit Wars: It's 2027, and Joseph Kony - leader of the now disbanded Lord's Resistance Army (LRA) of child soldiers - stands trial in the UN International Criminal Court for 12 counts of crimes against humanity. Katherine Yabut is the reputable international lawyer appointed the reluctant head of Kony's defense. In her own spirit war, Katherine's career, reputation, and relations with loved ones hang in the balance as she struggles with her morals and protecting the world's most hated man.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

I've always loved politics and debate. Now I'm talking years of religiously watching Law and Order, earning awards at conferences as part of my school's Model UN club, and even arguing the benefits of driving to my mother. Pursuing law would be more than a career for me; it is the perfect pairing of a lifelong passion and a lifelong profession. NYU, with opportunities and resources like its Undergraduate Law Society and NYC Law School Forum, would more than prepare me for that brave new world.

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU- 2050 Movie- Life in 10 years? [6]

I love your ideas, I actually wrote about the LRA in my movie response also! It's nice to see that other people are aware, and care :) Great work!

If you can, please check my NYU supplements as well. Anything would be great!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Just say the word' - NYU - Dramatic Essay [4]

This is a very insightful and meaningful essay! I actually know a guy who goes to Tisch, and he says it's absolutely fabulous.

You make great use of a literary technique called the "stream of consciousness," in which your writing reflects the way any human being would think - ideas and words bouncing off one another in a steady stream. In that case your essay, which you might think is hard to understand, actually makes perfect sense, especially since the abstract ideas in it eventually build to a solid conclusion. Let me just suggest a few corrections:

How did I get here? How did this happen?

And that's what it all now felt like: a blink, a moment, a flash.

I craved it, desired it above anything else.

But you see, in my eyes, freedom was simply having whatever you want, when you want it , and not having to do anything you don't want to get it.

Of course, over time I was persuaded from these views by opening my eyes to the hard work and responsibility involved in having "freedom."

I worked to make my own money, began driving, found myself a wonderful boy, and even began preparing for college, dreaming of going out on my own and making a name for myself in this wide world.

From now on I will nothing but truly just live.
I believe you're missing a word here so just reword that. Otherwise, greatwork!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU - Summer Experience & Famous New Yorker [10]

Your answers are very enjoyable! I like how they're interesting, but also genuine. They seem to speak the real "you."

Also, you can try rewording your last prompt to this:

With my drumsticks and ~~Satchmo's~~his trumpet, Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong and I would make a dynamic pair. My musicianship isn't quite "on par" with the legendary trumpeter, but I'm sure we'll have no trouble debuting at the jazz clubs in Harlem. I'd love to spend the entire day playing with Mr. Armstrong, but performing is only half the story.

Listening to R&B and Hip-hop at the Apollo is the other must. I'm sure that upon listening, Satchmo will be thrilled to discover that he's a father of modern music.

It's just a suggestion, but honestly it sounds just as good the way you've written it. The 500 character limit really is a pain, haha.

Best of luck to you!!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - New Yorker, Poem, Movie, Intended discipline [12]

Thanks guys! I've made the corrections you suggested, so hopefully they're sound.

citysparrow27, I'd love to look at your stuff but it wasn't listed as posted under your name?

Good luck to everyone else!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - New Yorker, Poem, Movie, Intended discipline [12]

Woops, sorry guys, forgot this part:

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

This summer I camped in Virginia, went to Montréal, and visited my father, who works and lives in Arizona. I also participated in a program called Lead for Diversity. For a week, students from all over New Jersey stayed at the Poconos, deprived of any contact with the outside world - including our parents. A group of strangers became a family as we learned how to fight discrimination in others, and most importantly, ourselves. It was an experience that has since truly changed my life.

Hmm I still don't see it up there citysparrow27, can you post a link?

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Just say the word' - NYU - Dramatic Essay [4]

No problem! You helped a lot on mine as well :) best of luck to you!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU - Summer Experience & Famous New Yorker [10]

Sorry, this is a little late, but if you want to get real technical, change the first sentence to this:

With his trumpet and my drumsticks , Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong and I would make a dynamic pair.

Because in the second half of the sentence you placed Armstrong before yourself, you should do so for the first half to improve clarity.

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - New Yorker, Poem, Movie, Intended discipline [12]

citysparrow27, I LOVED your short answers. Not only do they greatly reflect my interests as well, but your experiences are so interesting and original!

For the summer prompt you certainly did do a lot, but I would elaborate a little on at least one aspect of it.

Your New Yorker prompt is great! Let me just suggest this:
I imagine I would be left with a slightly more eccentric view of the world.
In this short answer you're just speculating what your reactions would be since it hasn't really happened. But honestly it sounds good the way it is also :).

Everything else is just great. Best of luck to you!

kryabut

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / NYU - Summer Experience & Famous New Yorker [10]

immortalchick, that might be the case. But what NYU really want to see is who you would genuinely want to spend time with in NYC - whether that person ends up being the person everyone else wants to spend time with, or not. This essay makes a pretty good case of that, because his mentioning his drumsticks and listening to R&B and hip-hop make him stand out.