Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by pirouette
Joined: Nov 29, 2009
Last Post: Nov 29, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
pirouette   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Mission trip in Cambodia - UC PROMPT 2 -Tell us about personal quailty [2]

FEEL FREE TO CRITIQUE :)))))))))

Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

-mission trip in Cambodia

By 6p.m, the street gets crowded with cars coming back from work. The sun becomes dark and soon the aroma of food floats in the air. When my mom came back from work and prepared dinner for me, I persistently refused to eat carrot and cram just because they did not taste right to me. We eat what we want to eat as much as we want. To me, food meant just a tool to please my appetite before I took a mission trip to the other side of the Earth, Cambodia, where the fortune of abundance slid by.

The sand storm swirled out from the ground and houses were poorly built by couple of lumbers and leaves. This Cambodian village was where people in poverty lived and I went in to the village for the first time with my missionary team. We were holding dozen bags of breads, costumes and Korean tambourines. Before we distributed out the breads to kids, we planned to show them a Korean choreography to interchange our culture. Our plans went through smoothly. People showed their delight in our performance, and it definitely was worthy of our months of practice. I enjoyed meeting Cambodian and I, somehow, communicated with them, using body language and eye contact.

I was standing in the middle of the village, giving out bread to kids with my team. We were surrounded by kids yelling and fighting to get the bread. Meanwhile, we noticed a boy in a fade blue shirt and wore down sandals. He was coming back multiple times to get more bread. One of my members came and asked me what should we do about the boy that was keep coming back. When I looked at him, many thoughts ran across my head. 'Should I stop him or not?' As a leader of the team, I had to decide what to do about the boy. When I was battling in my head, the boy came to me and reached out his hand. I saw his small arms, dried nose gutter on his face, and his eyes, the eyes like clear lake, pleading to me to give him bread, a lifeline. I realized that I momentarily ignored my purpose of coming to Cambodia and standing in the middle of the dusty air. I was there holding a bread basket to feed these kids' hunger. I was there to meet their needs. I was there to give them happiness even though it was small. I gave him bread and I recognized my members inquiry looking at me. I explained why I gave him bread and reminded them of our common goal; to give what we naturally had but they had not. The same boy was still coming back, but this time, we could give him bread with cheerfully smiling.

Even though it was just normal bread that we could easily find around us, the bread was vital source to the Cambodians. When I recognized their conditions through a deeper and wider perspective, the bread of maturity and wisdom also fed my hunger of better understanding, enabling me to form a broader aspect.
pirouette   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "I love languages" - Multilingualism [5]

this is well written and your multiculturality is well shown by the way, i think it a little more needs to describe your personality I enjoyed reading this essay thou !:) Wanna comment mine?
pirouette   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "Guided by the String" - UC Prompt 2 about brain injured woman [6]

touching story and easy to read but i wanna see more of 'you' wat about to put ur specific action that reflects the lesson learned from Susan?

few suggestionsă…ˇ
When I inquired why she received (<-allowed) me (to help her) then, she told me that in the past, I accepted her simply out of pity.

takes some time to read through it again & revise hold on..
pirouette   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Ludacris: My Childhood [8]

it's well written and strong :)from your intro, i actually wanted to read your essay. you've well done putting topic sentences for most of paragraphs and you don't really have to title it but if you do, it will help readers to have your idea before read throu it. Wanna comment mine? :)
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳