Undergraduate / Poverty - Common App. Essay on a National Concern to You [5]

I like it!

I think it was a good way to show what's important to you, what you're passionate about and what you've been involved in.

My advice is to read it aloud because the flow of it needs to be smoother (like combining sentences and adding conjunctions to make it less choppy). You could add some elevated diction.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / Brown University supplement: What don't you know? [6]

Oh thank you so much.
You've just relieved every bit of tension in me.

Undergraduate / essay about how my personal backround has shaped who i am today [4]

Where you live, when you live there, the people you know, and the activities you choose to participate in can all play a very big part in shaping the person you become. Growing up, I lived in a few different places. I've gone from living right outside New York City, to living near the mountains of Northern California, to all the trees of [NAME OF TOWN], Virginia, where I've lived for the past five years. Living in [NAME OF TOWN] has probably had more influence on me than any of the other places I have lived. My age probably has a lot to do with this. I was twelve when we moved to -------, and at that point I still hadn't become who I am now. It was a year later that I started going to the youth group at our church, a decision that played a big part in the who I am todayhas changed me as a person . What I learned in the youth group, lessons about not only religion but life itself, contributed greatly to my development. Some of the greatest contributors, however, were the people that I met there, people that would become my best friends. You see, until this point I hadn't made a lot of close friends. Having friends like this, who shared the same beliefs and morals that I have, definitely played a big part in shaping me into the person I am now.

I like it!
However, I would elaborate on what you were taught and I would find different ways to say "shaping me into the person I am now". College admission officers must get that a lot, you know?

Undergraduate / Common App question: Elaborate on one of your activities. Activity: Running [5]

It's worded very weirdly, but here, I'll try:

Running track and cross country has caused me the worst pain of my life. It has taken time away from homework, friends and sleep. I've fallen in mud, I've frozen my feet in snow and I've had countless nose bleeds. All of this and the highest I've ever won was 4th place. I have never been so proud of myself. See I didn't start running until the summer of my junior year, competing against girls who have been running most of their lives . What's the point right? Here I am going against girls who have been running since 9th grade and prior.Me. The girl who could never even climb the rope in gym class. Somehow my friends requited me in this strange world of athletics in which everything is seen differently, for instance I no longer let anyone copy my homework being that if I'm able to complete it even though I don't get home until 7 or 8 what's there excuse?

I think you had a lot of irrelevant sentences such as the last one I opted to delete. Instead, end it by showing how running track has made you proud and how it has changed you. Or by stating that even though track is hard your love for it fuels your drive and strength.

i'm sorry I took out half of your essay! but now at least you can make a worthwhile ending :)
good luck!

Undergraduate / "Daunting, isn't it?", significant experience and its impact on you.. [6]

It's so beautiful I don't even want to edit it.
I loved the french at the ending, and also the reply "And lost, never again."

You and I both know that this is way too long but I just can't bear to take anything out! I loved it. Absolutely loved it.

I'm sorry I can be of no further help. You should just condense the description of the program into one sentence. A summary of what it is.

That's the only thing I can say.

I love your writing though :)

Undergraduate / "My very own song" Common App Essay about my life as an exchange student [6]

I love it.
The song metaphor is eloquently executed!

I just think you should chop down on the story-telling and elaborate on how being in a foreign country changed you.
Remember, people who read your admission letters only take a minute or so, so you want to be short and to the point.

Your english is fine. Better than some native english speakers I know, ha.
Good luck!