This is my essay for the UVA common app supplement. I chose to describe the world i come from, and how it has shaped who i am as my topic. Any suggestions, comments, ect. would be greatly appreciated.
Where you live, when you live there, where you go to school, the people you know, and the activities you choose to participate in can all play a very big part in shaping the person you become. Growing up, I lived in a few different places. From living right outside New York City, to living near the mountains of Northern California, to all the trees of [***], Virginia, where I've lived for the past five years. Living in [***] has had more influence on me than any of the other places I have lived. My age probably has a lot to do with this. I was twelve when we moved to Virginia, and at that point I still hadn't become who I am now. The fact that I am home schooled also affected the way I've developed. Although homeschoolers may miss out on a few opportunities available to kids in school, they have there own unique opportunities. For instance, because I was home schooled I was able to advance more quickly in math, a subject in which I have always done well. This has helped my pursue my desire to be an engineer. When I was thirteen I started going to the youth group at our church, a decision that would prove to be very important. While what I learned in the youth group definitely played a part in my development, the greatest contributors were the people that I met there, people that would become my best friends. You see, until this point I hadn't made a lot of close friends. Having friends like this, who shared the same beliefs and morals that I have, definitely played a big part in shaping me into the person I am now.
Where you live, when you live there, the people you know, and the activities you choose to participate in can all play a very big part in shaping the person you become. Growing up, I lived in a few different places. I've gone from living right outside New York City, to living near the mountains of Northern California, to all the trees of [NAME OF TOWN], Virginia, where I've lived for the past five years. Living in [NAME OF TOWN] has probably had more influence on me than any of the other places I have lived. My age probably has a lot to do with this. I was twelve when we moved to -------, and at that point I still hadn't become who I am now. It was a year later that I started going to the youth group at our church, a decision that played a big part in the who I am todayhas changed me as a person . What I learned in the youth group, lessons about not only religion but life itself, contributed greatly to my development. Some of the greatest contributors, however, were the people that I met there, people that would become my best friends. You see, until this point I hadn't made a lot of close friends. Having friends like this, who shared the same beliefs and morals that I have, definitely played a big part in shaping me into the person I am now.
I like it!
However, I would elaborate on what you were taught and I would find different ways to say "shaping me into the person I am now". College admission officers must get that a lot, you know?
Thanks! I don't know if you'll see this or not, but I would apreciate it if you edited my town name out of your post. you posted your reply before i remembered to edit it out.
...and the activities in which you choose to participate in can all play a very big roles in shaping the person you become.
From living right outside New York City, to living near the mountains of Northern California, to all the trees of [***], Virginia, where I've lived for the past five years.----> This is not a complete sentence. Just write, From living right outside New York City to living near the mountains of Northern California, my personality has been gradually sculpted, but [***], Virginia, has been where my learning experiences have taken place for the past five years.
