Undergraduate / Of all the activities, in our outside of school, soccer holds the most meaning to me [2]

dannyfwk

" Of all activities, in or outside of school " not our ...
"and have completed for four years " cut out "for"

you can also add
"Soccer appeals to me the most since it gives me the most in the form of inspiration, it enlightens in me the passion i have for life"

Hope i could help

Undergraduate / Common Application Essay (Anti-Semitism) [3]

You can talk about the negative influences (if any) that Judaism brought you then your essay can contrast with the positive influences.. There aren't many grammatical errors. You can broaden your conclusion a little bit and add - I realized how greatly my religion has protected me from going astray, made me a man on morals. Overall the essay was average. Good luck :)

Undergraduate / Why does Brown appeal to me?Who or what has influenced my decision ? [9]

dannyfwk
Thanks for the comments, I'l keep it in mind and work on it but here's another Brown supplement i am fighting with...really need help with this...

thanks agn

Undergraduate / Why does Brown appeal to me?Who or what has influenced my decision ? [9]

My own rough draft

I was an absolute half and half of what to do in my life up until high school. My dream of becoming a dancer and an economist was in conflict. It all began back in 6th Grade when I was a 120 pound overweight child and my mother and father was afraid of childhood obesity. That was the time I decided that I had enough of insults and with sheer determination and uncontrollable rage I danced for hours and hours each day. Meanwhile I was also becoming fascinated towards the subject economics, I figured out that I had a unique sense of understanding the subject which other people did not have and I felt that this blessing was in fact true when my teacher saw it in me as well. It was not felt in the term assigned papers and memorized theories written in the papers to pass, instead in my exceptional viewpoints in certain economics theory which was quickly developed by my commitment in all kinds of Economics related books. I had this daily routine of watching dance videos for hours and implementing them in my body combined with scrutinizing every detail of a new economics book I buy.

To take both my passions up to a second notch, I decided to join Alliance Françoise salsa and contemporary classes for my dancing, and, I naturally took Economics as one of my three subjects in A' levels. But something was going terribly wrong, I realized that if my calculations of giving attention to one of my passion become more I lose a lot out on the other. For instance when I had to sit for my AS level Economics paper I couldn't practice dancing for days, I realized that dancing was like the fire that was buried deep within me, and I felt freedom while performing it. Although I did earn highest marks in the world on my Economics AS level paper, I was not as happy as one is supposed to be. It was like I felt guilty for missing out on dancing so much. So I devised a project through which I implemented my math's skills to obtain perfection and read countless books for it in that process. Somehow I was tormented to choose, it was two parts of me, both equally loved but I have to pick a lane now, both cannot coexist together if I need absolute flawlessness in one. This is the time when I saw the movie called "Ice Princess", for this girl physics was her life at first and then she found her true dream in ice-skating and said no to Harvard. I thought to myself for days, which gave me more pleasure?? and, then the unexpected happened: I saw a dream where I had to fill in the shoes of John Maynard Keynes, the famous economist from England, whose books I had read so much about. His ideas on the causes of unemployment revolutionalized macroeconomic theory and profoundly altered government's involvement in the economy. I realized that through studying this subject thoroughly I can bring a change in this world, I can help people. Where dance helps me to come out of my box, economics will help people to come out of theirs. This is what I wanted to do, this is my dream.

Even though I will continue dancing through the rest of my life, I am sure I will never regret being an economist, the opportunity cost is not that hard to bear when I know that I can make a difference to this world, be it slight but it will bring me immense joy.

Undergraduate / Why does Brown appeal to me?Who or what has influenced my decision ? [9]

ruzhang143
Thanks for the comments, i needed to hear it was capable of sending :)