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Posts by NickJ
Joined: Dec 12, 2009
Last Post: Dec 12, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 4
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NickJ   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Who you are and how you could contribut to Boston University Admissions essay [6]

here is my bu admissions essay...ive tried writing it four times, and submitting it to english teachers at my high school as only prompted me to try again and again...im trying a new method of revision here and appreciate all the help! thanks!

the question is In an essay of 500 words or less, select 3 words that describe who you are and how those traits/characteristics can contribute to the BU community...my essay is about 530 words...

Nicholas John Marini; the three words that can best describe who I am. To slap a few adjectives next to the name is not the most meaningful way to depict my character, and I think they will do a better job of symbolizing the numbness of our everyday life than a way to describe me. To become somebody that loves what they do, and can make a difference in others' lives through what they do is what Nicholas John Marini is all about, and I will bring that passion no matter where I go. So many times, I have been asked questions about myself that require me to look at who I am from 'the inside out', and too many times, I have seen a person that has fallen into the machine of persevering monotony. I work hard for this, I train hard for that, I achieve it, smile, and move on, setting newer, higher goals for myself. However, I have been able to find the time during the constant brigade of hard work to look at myself, where I am going, and who I want to become. Every time I do so, all answers point toward being happy.

When we set out higher goals in life, many times, they include more money. We assume that when we achieve these goals, and more money comes, we will be happier. This is usually where we seem to enslave ourselves in the 'to-do' list of life; strive for extra work to qualify ourselves for the promotion, work overtime for the new Lexus, work a holiday for time and a half so we can go on that cruise. Here, all we are doing is separating ourselves from what really makes us happy for things we assume will eventually make us happy. Then, once we achieve that goal, a new one arises quickly enough to forget what we just accomplished. This vicious cycle of effort and empty success shields us from who we really are. When asked the three words or characteristics that best describe me, I found it hard to separate myself from three common esteemed adjectives. In order to see who I really was, I had to look deeper than what Merriam-Webster had to offer.

I can tell you that Nicholas John Marini is a young man who often dreams beyond the worth of money, a young man who rather dreams of using his depth of person to help others. My passionate character leads me to places that foster individuality, community, and accomplishment all at the same time. I want to go to a place where I can be myself, be successful, and help others at the same time. I can bring passion, perception, and enthusiasm to this place of learning and knowledge. I am certain that after leaving this place, I will be prepared, and I will be able to say I contributed all I could. When I move on, I will find happiness in substance, a happiness that will come from a license to help others, both physically and mentally, back to a health where they too can realize what it is in their life that can bring their own happiness. Nicholas John Marini will be a happy physical therapist, dedicated to bringing fulfillment back in patients lives.

thanks again!!!
NickJ   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Who you are and how you could contribut to Boston University Admissions essay [6]

thank you for your response...i know what you mean with the third person, ill definitely revise that. i appreciate the feedback...and about the cars, i know exactly what you mean. I'm a 'car-adorer' myself, and intentionally added in that piece because of my interest...thanks!
NickJ   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - famous New Yorker, poem, and going green [8]

I'm really impressed with your work. you have a very strong vocabulary and really a good control of your language. I found pretty much zero grammatical errors. I have to agree, the poem is awesome. you do a good job of incorporating your interests, complimented by good word choice.i really like the film about your life in 2050, including the nurburgring. As with this, and also the Larry David piece, you do a fantastic job of letting the university know who you are through creative and original writing. I think you did fine with the letting them know about your interest in foreign language, and you definitely incorporated your love of cars (i'm with you on that one). This is some really good stuff, really unique, and not too wordy. I am curious though, what is the length requirement? even though you included a lot about yourself, im just wondering if maybe you had more room you could expound on some of the subjects more. overall, I am very impressed and i think you'll go far with what you have. Good luck!!
NickJ   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / In my free time, I trawl the net, looking for physics problems. [6]

I like what you did with this prompt. you let the reader know of your passion in a very concise manner, and i think it is done well. the only thing, i have to agree, is the quote. i like where you are going by adding a quote in on the end, i just don't think it relates enough to your answer. maybe its just me, but i honestly didn't really see it. other than that, i think its a very good piece. good luck!
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