Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by khoshhal
Joined: Dec 24, 2009
Last Post: Dec 26, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 6
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khoshhal   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / "You can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it,"One Page Autobiography [3]

I have to write Maximum one page autobiography about myself. I would really appreciate any suggestion to improve my mini essay. Thanks a lot,

"You can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it, " said, a 68-year-old South Korean woman who passed written driver's license exam on her 950th try. I strongly believe that determination and commitment is essential components of any success, but that is not all of the ingredients. One cannot simply accomplish his/her dream with an empty commitment. A commitment should have a value for the person, and it requires an action. I personally consider my success as a result of dedication and persistent; establishing positive attitude toward my goal and finally getting my hands on action. I never let failures to stop me, but I see a failure as a component of a success, and I consider every failed try an attempt that gets me closer to my goal.

It was August 2007 when I left Afghanistan to study in the United States. My friends were not sure I would be able to pass my GED test, instead, they advised me to get a job in oil field and make quick money. Their advices bothered, but did not stop me from chasing my dream. The next month, I went and signed up in Bakersfield Adult School. Within couple of months, I was able to pass my GED test and made my way to college. Within a year and half, I gradated from Bakersfield College with an honor degree in Associate in Arts. Now, I am here starting my second quarter at CSUB hoping to graduate with a bachelor by the end of 2010 and by 2012 with my Master in Economics.

During this short journey, I have come a cross of a lot obstacle and financial hurdles, but I never lost my hope. Instead, I struggled, modified my life and looked for alternatives. For instance, when the gas price went up, I moved closer to college so I did not have to drive anymore. When I lost my job, I applied for financial aid and student loan, and instead of buying new books; I tried to utilize library resources, until I get a good deal on used books on Ebay or Amazon. Yes persistent and dedication is a key to success, and today I am proud to say that I am an example of a successful person. I am determined to make my long holding dream a reality no matter what. I thank you in advance for considering my application, and I promise you that your contribution will make a big difference for me and my community.
khoshhal   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "The Timeless Time Machines" [6]

Very nice writing and your word count is 569 words. In regards to your conclusion, I agree with the above person but other than that I love it.
khoshhal   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "The Timeless Time Machines" [6]

Hey I have posted an essay under my profile. I would really like you to take a look and see if you can improve it. I really like your writing.
khoshhal   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why? [8]

During the beginning of my college application, I was anxious (About). Given my circumstance, (I) strived hard for my family's support, and got the only one chance to take SAT. I was worried and depressed that my failure would lead to a disappointing result. The deadlines were getting close, I was stressing out and constantly thinking, "what if I failed".

sorry I will come back again latter on it. Your second paragraph is horrible, no offense. Try to spend some time on it and I will be glad to take a look upon my return.
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