Posts by jiangjie

jiangjie

Dec 28, 2009

Undergraduate / International Business, AIM - UPenn supplement [6]

Hi! can someone please correct this essay and give feedback. (this is my cousin's essay for UPenn.) Thanks!

Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.

jiangjie

Dec 28, 2009

Undergraduate / International Business, AIM - UPenn supplement [6]

z4evafoolz
thanks for your suggestions:) I will post the edit one up later and can you please correct my grammar and mistakes. Thank You^^

Is this a better version of the previous essay?? Thanks to anyone who gives feedback:)

The University of Pennsylvania is an Ivy League school in my backyard. I have lived in Philadelphia for four years now and since the time when I moved here it has always be my dream to go to Penn. From the time of my college visit to Penn this summer, I became more determine that this is the place where I wanted to attend next fall because Penn offers exactly what I was looking for.

Penn offers many social ...

jiangjie

Dec 29, 2009

Undergraduate / International Business, AIM - UPenn supplement [6]

Thank You so much for your help:) I know the vocabulary is my weakest part and I will try to improve it. Thanks again!

By the way, I read your essay and it's pretty good:) Good luck to you too^^