Undergraduate / Growing up in Cuba, UPenn contribution to community [3]

This is my essay responding to the the community prompt in the UPenn supplement. Please, critique it, and suggest changes, and feel free to ask me to read your essay. Thanks in advance

Growing up in Cuba, I felt just as isolated from the world as the island in which I lived. I knew what I wanted: to save lives, but I couldn't even protect my dream from all the water that was surrounding me, trying to drown my ambitions. When I came to this country, I saw land everywhere, and frontiers, and horizons that could take me to my final destiny. I discovered the University of Pennsylvania, and I decided that it was the perfect university for me, where I could take advantage of all the opportunities it offers to excel myself and give back to the community all the knowledge I have received, with a little bit of the rice and beans, plantains, salsa, and "Cubanía" that runs through my veins.

As a Christian, the most important thing in my life is the Lord. By participating in the activities held by Penn Students for Christ, I intend to strengthen my relationship with God. Attending the Bible studies offered by Dr. Ray Townsend will greatly enrich my knowledge of His words. With the support of all my brothers and sisters from this group, I would like to take the message of Salvation to the Penn community, and share my testimony of how He has changed and saved my life.

With the help of the Center for Undergraduate Research and Fellowships, I would like to serve the Pennsylvania Hospital and the University of Pennsylvania itself in the research projects led by them. I believe that the experience I have obtained as an intern in the laboratory of the University of Miami's Project for the Cure of Paralysis would be helpful in the arduous and time-consuming work that research masters and doctors conduct. This would also be a great way to spend my free time doing something I enjoy and that is related to the Biology career I want to pursue.

Knowing Spanish as my first language, and being a Romance Languages major, I would like to join La Casa Latina and the Latino Coalition organization. By helping in the mentoring and tutoring of elementary students in North Philadelphia, and teaching English as a second language to new Latin American immigrants in South Philadelphia, I would like to pass on my knowledge of Spanish, English, and Italian to those who are trying to learn these languages. I would also enjoy participating in La Casa Latina's Spanish Roundtables, where I can talk to fellow classmates that are learning my natal language while helping them with the Spanish grammar and pronunciation. I would also enroll in their Community Outreach Program, and their collaboration with Mastery Charter High School, where I can guide Latino high school students in the process of college applications.

Committed to the chess world since fifth grade, I have developed a great admiration toward the game and the intellectual atmosphere that comes with it. I want to join the Penn Chess Club, play against its talented members, especially in a Boghouse game, the most exciting and exhilarating variety of chess. By joining this organization, I would like to continue the work I have started at my high school, of teaching friends and interested students how to play chess, and how to take advantages of the benefits this game brings to our psychological health.

Though my future has not been built yet, I know that the University of Pennsylvania is the place where I want its foundations to be. As a Christian who wants to help the Latino and Health communities, I am certain that this institution will not only help me reach my goals, but it will also make me a more enriched, wholesome person.

Undergraduate / "A scar in my heart" my CommonApp essay. Pease, help me with my grammar. [3]

This is my response to the first prompt of the Common App, which asks about an experience I have faced, and its impact on me. Since English is not my first language, please be as though as you can with my grammar, and I welcome critiques. Feel free to ask me to read you essay.

Thanks :)

I didn't cry when I left, though I knew that a gun had just shot me, and that the pain would eventually arrive. During that moment, I was selfless, numb. A feeling of nothingness had invaded my body.

Days later, I looked around me and I did not see the family and friends I had always had by my side. I tried calling their names, but they did not appear, and I realized that I was alone in my life. I believed I was going to die with all the thoughts and feelings that were populating my head, and the excruciating heart ache that was causing me to cry. But instead, an instinct to survive grew inside me, and drove me to wipe the tears, mend my heart, and face what my new life offered me.

Being an immigrant has taught me to appreciate the things that I used to take for granted. Living in a country where everybody spoke the same language and shared the same roots, I did not realize how fortunate I was for having African and Spaniard great-grandparents, and for speaking Spanish as my first language. Now, a passion for Latin has emerged in me, and I have decided to seek a dual degree in Biology and Romance Languages, to submerge myself in the history behind Latin, and how it has derived into languages that share similarities as well as differences.

My new home has given me the opportunity to discover new cultures and merge them with my own. For about a year now, I have been fascinated with the Asian countries, their folklore, customs, and languages, and I have grown to become a proud Asian at heart. I have realized that diversity is not only about having different heritages, but about having different thoughts, beliefs, and interests as well; and that the world, just as a rainbow, is more beautiful and amusing when it has a great variety of colors.

The experience of leaving my country has encouraged me to help other immigrants. Many of them feel like they cannot be successful in this country due to their background. Others, especially teenage girls, make wrong decisions because they don't have a source of support. Knowing the desperation felt when a family member is sick, but cannot receive medical help because of a bad economic situation, I, as a future doctor, would like to provide them with free treatments. I want to be that helping hand that guides immigrants through the paths of success, and someone with whom they can share their worries.

This permanent mark I have in my soul has changed me into a human being with a reason to thrive for life. It has showed me the true colors of this world, and especially, it has helped me to find a sense of self-identification. Now I can see the potential I have in me to make a difference in this planet, and I can look at my future with a serene expression and say to it: "Now, bring me that horizon."