Posts by remrem122

remrem122

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / Paramedical Experience -- Common App Essay [4]

I really like your essay structure and introduction esp. The intro is intense and grabs your attention immediately and you can see the "exhilaration and adrenaline" that you say. The conclusion is excellent as well because you take us back into action. It flows really well. It is also original in the subject matter because when reading essays about rugby, you would see a lot about a player's POV rather than a medic's. One minor thing that I would add is:

"A healthy obsession, perhaps?"
Don't question it, be confident and state that's it's a healthy obsession.

Can you take a look at my personal essay?

remrem122

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / JOHNS HOPKINS SUPPLEMENT "Why international relations and politics?" [3]

The last sentence is a little awkward. In the first paragraph you talk about your aspirations/goals, the second you talk about a specific program that the JSU (which is exactly what they want to hear, good job!) and then the third paragraph you go back to your goals/ aspirations. I think you should switch the 2nd and 3rd paragraph to make it flow more.

Can you help me too? Please read my personal essay, i really need criticism.

remrem122

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / 'my trip to Portugal' - Williams Supplement- Looking out a window... [3]

I was going to say the same as above. I really like the idea of being vulnerable and opening up to new things. Well written and the concluding sentence is beautiful. However, you spent to much time talking about this trip and not enough about being vulnerable and open minded in college (specifically at Williams). You need to elaborate on this idea of going off to college or you will need to shorten the trip (middle portion). I think you should elaborate because it is more of what the colleges want to hear.

Can you please return the favor and give me critique on my personal essay? It won't take long, thanks

remrem122

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / "secretary Luisa" - Short Answer [6]

Should I take out the Luisa part; is it too much? Give me all the feedback you have!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

The Double Discovery Center is an academic enrichment, TRIO program located at Columbia University that offers additional resources to low-income, first-generation college-bound students in New York City. Since I began high school, DDC has provided me with access to college-level classes and paid internships in other programs. The main agenda DDC pushes besides academics is open-mindedness to different cultures; hence, my full paid trip to Germany. In Germany, I had the opportunity with fellow students to witness famous historical sites, which I have only known about through European history textbooks. That same summer, I took a Neuroscience and Behavior class, which sparked my interest in becoming a psychiatrist. At DDC, I have met many distinctive people, including inspirational mentors, whom have guided me through both educational and personal hardships. The office of the Double Discovery Center is a welcoming place crowded with familiar students, which is why I consider it a second home.