Undergraduate / Common app essay : embarrasing time (Do I answer the prompt? feedback) crit back [15]

I really enjoyed the voice of your essay, and how it felt as though you were telling me a story verbally.

The only thing I would work on would be to possibly shave down the length a bit, but overall well done!

Undergraduate / "Single-eyed giant" - WoW essay: good or bad? [21]

I like the premise, it needs some editing, and maybe make the speech a bit more eloquent, eally describing the battle with the ogre, but you did a nice job, I feel like the first paragraph is missing something, some type of element to really add mystery to what's actually going on.

One thing-

The eight pieces of shiny jewel encrusted Armor? I wear don'tdoes not ( watch out for contractions!) seem to be able to protect me from the massive pieces of granite protruding from the beasts' claws.