Undergraduate / "The Forbidden Apple", 2050 Movie of my life. NYU [5]

It's a little ambiguous and I don't really see a plotline. Good idea, but I think you need to get an actual storyline out of it somehow!

Undergraduate / NYU Sups. Why Business, Jackie CHEN!, and summer. [4]

This might be dumb, but I thought his name was Jackie Chan? Or are you referring to someone else? That confused me a little.

Overall, everything is well written. The first and the third reponses are a little boring to read though, and the second is a little too informal in my opinion. I would try to liven it up without sounding improfessional.

To start off the "Why NYU" response by saying that education isn't necessary kind of defeats the point of applying to NYU. If you don't need an education, why pursue it? It just doesn't really make sense.

The summer response is just a bunch of statements thrown together, so maybe focus on one particular thing you did? I'm not really sure how to fix it, but it needs something.

Sorry that this was so harsh! I would appreciate it if you looked at my essays!! Thanks!

Undergraduate / Stacy London, NYU Supplement - Famous New Yorker. [5]

I went through and changed most of it. Here it is:

Her name may stir images of Big Ben, but Stacy London is one of New York City's most prominent fashion icons. Strutting down the streets of New York City, Stacy introduces me to the city's best kept secrets. With every "Shut the front door!" she leads me to style success. We then put my lessons to work by giving a double-mastectomy survivor the makeover she deserves. After a long day, we sit down to chai tea while I direct her away from that grey streak and she fills me in on everything style.

Please, please, please leave any criticism that you have!

Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - Famous NewYorker and poem/limerick [13]

Overall, I think it's great!! It's really well-written and actually has meaning. However (and I don't know if you even want to take this into consideration), I know a lot of people who are doing/have done Lady Gaga...just throwing that out there.


You don't really want to end a sentence with a preposition. Maybe "a person with whom I would love..."?

And these are just nitpicky things, but maybe a comma after "bars," and change "hits from the late" to "hits by the late."

I'd really appreciate it if you looked at my NYU supplements too! Thanks!

Undergraduate / Stacy London, NYU Supplement - Famous New Yorker. [5]

NYU Supplement -- 2050 Movie and Famous New Yorker. PLEASE HELP

Any help at all would be appreciated. Any kind of criticism at all will be helpful! Thank you in advance!!

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do?

Her name may stir images of Big Ben, but Stacy London is one of New York City's most prominent fashion icons. Strutting down the streets of New York City, Stacy introduces me to the city's best kept secrets. With every "Shut the front door!" she leads me to style success. After shopping on Fifth Avenue, we bond over chai tea at a quirky coffee shop in Manhattan, simply enjoying each other's company. For a woman who frequently shouts, "Shut up!" Stacy makes great conversation.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Lo Hecho Está Hecho -- Life seems ideal for UN language interpreter [my name]. He has a doting wife, four great children, and a beautiful home in Barcelona. Unexpectedly, his estranged father is diagnosed with cancer. In a final attempt to fix the broken relationship, the forty-year-old linguist will put his skills to the test on a world trip with his passing father. On this journey full of trials and tribulations, [my name] will discover that self-forgiveness is the greatest liberation of all.

***"Lo Hecho Está Hecho" translates to "What's Done Is Done"

Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - Famous NewYorker and poem/limerick [13]

I somewhat agree with hern. If the person reading your essay happens to be a Gaga fan, he'll catch the reference. If not, it might come off the wrong way. Maybe put it in quotes and capitalize it to show that it's a song title?