Undergraduate / Concealing my culture essay [6]

You definitely have a captivating story, I can even relate to it myself. The main thing I would work on is the flow of your essay. Sometimes you jump between ideas and events pretty quickly that the reader might become a little confused. But I really like how you relate your experience of assimilating to America with specific situations. Overall, great essay, with a little final work, I'm sure you'll have an excellent application.

I would love for your input on my essay:

Undergraduate / Joining Theatre Club - Intellectually Engaging [3]

When I entered high-school, I found myself surrounded by endless opportunities. I was overwhelmed by the differences between grade-school and high-school, seeing all the new clubs and activities that I could join. The possibilities were innumerous Numerous? My spell check is telling me innumerous isn't a word , how could I possibly choose?

Theatre club, their booth at club day was full of color and excitement. Feather boas, masks, puppets, and boisterous loud upperclassmen yelling, "Join theatre club! Become a thespian!" I like how you're showing instead of telling to convey your interest, but it's slightly unclear. Maybe talk about how you gravitated towards this booth? But I was too shy. Too afraid to be alone and be without the comfort of having a friend there. I did not pull up the courage to join, seal the deal, and pen my name on that sign up sheet, but I knew that I was interested. Oh, yeah. Haha. I think you conveyed your interest at the beginning

An opportunity arose one school day, as when an acqaintance of mine told me that there would be a Theatre Club meeting afterschool. I pondered whether or not to join, and somehow throughout the day, brought myself together. The steps to room 215, the theatre club room were bright and sunny this information seems a little irrelevant , as I shyly entered the room, and sat on the side while friendly upperclassmen tried to spark up conversation. Mrs. Conching, the teacher advisor welcomed me with a bright smile, and soon I felt right at home.

I soon put all of my afterschool time into Theatre. I joined our fall performance of the Spartan Cabaret, and soon after joined in the production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream." By doing these performances, I had an easier time opening myself up to others. I learned new acting techniques, learned about vocal projection, and learn how to healthily express myself by way of performance.

Throughout the years that have followed, I have pursued my interests, and continued to be active in my Theatre Club. Each year, I have participated in at least two productions, and learned many aspects about Theatre, including musical theatre, improvised acting, managing, background setting, and now directing. I am currently in the process of directing and producing my own one act, and am putting to use all of the tips, tricks, and facts that I have learned about Theatre throughout my high-school career.

I like the way you tell your story. I would just work on the flow.
If I had not joined Theatre Club, I believe that I would not be the same person who I am today. Through Theatre Club, I have grown a new love and passion for the performing arts. Through this passion, I hope to continue to learn and grow through theatrical experiences in college.

Great essay! The only thing I would work on is perhaps conveying more if the interest you show towards the end at the beginning. It's great that you show how you plan to approach the next years of your life in college. Good work!

I would love for your help, if possible: