Writing Feedback / Toefl; Do clothes have any influence on how people behave? [7]

Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill
I think my essay is not logically written, but i am gonna take the exam next month
so please help me!
Thank you ..and have a lovely day!

the question is
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your answer.

There is an old saying in china that horses rely on their saddles while people rely on their clothes. However, as in my concerned, clothes are definitely not a thing can control our behaviors. We behave as who we are, but not as what we are wearing.

We have choice in our clothes, and we can wear what we like. We should be our own master instead just following the fashion and losing our own style. Remember only the thing that is our owns is the best. We may choose a hat instead of a sun glasses, we may prefer short skirts to long pants. There are so many different people and the same with the clothes. It was we who chose to wear different clothes today because we had a bad day, on the contrary, it can't be true.

Off cause sometimes we chose different clothes according to different occasional. The environment made us to behave like a gentleman or a lady in a formal party. So according to the rules, we need to chose a formal suit or a formal dress. The situation is we who are in the formal clothes are gentleman or lady, not only when these clothes on.

If a person needs the clothes to sigh his personality, I can only say it's too pathetic. As an independent human being, our minds which decide our behavior should be independent too. If we can only chase the colorful models in the fashion shows, then where are ourselves? If just beautiful clothes can make you feel like a princess, then the plastic surgery should disappear, while the truth is it's been more and more flourishing these days.

Clothing makes this world warm and colorful, but people in the end need more self-awareness than behaving in our own clothes. Ironically, nowadays fashion and entertainment become our oral topics every day, how long have it been for us to stop and see who we are and what kind of people we want to be?

Graduate / I have the tenacity, energy and desire; SOP for Global IT management [5]

Hi all! Please check on some part of my SOP English is not my native language, please help me. and I am in a hurry. I really appreciate you all...^^

In the past several years, after experiencing those colorful and meaningful academic life and social life, I made up my goal that I want to be an expert in the field which can create a value by integrating those different elements in the International Business. Especially when it comes to the relationship between the information system in company and the business objective (IT-ROI), I'd like to do my research on the following areas:

1.The corresponding and innovation of M/E-Commerce in the international market. (Information Security, Logistics Market, etc.)
2. Human Computer Interaction (HCI)
3. ICT development and Standards Setting in Developing Countries (China)

...

In addition to the academic study, I will attend a plenty of experiences to increase my research level.

...

I believe that the excellent professors and research environment in **** (university )could help me in realizing my dream. Many people who meet me at the first time may think that I am quiet and introverted. However, if I have made up my mind to do something, I'll put my whole mind and energy into it. I have the tenacity, energy and desire to get over any difficulties in front of me, focusing and having a get-the-job-done attitude. I approach every project with great enthusiasm and look at taking on challenging projects as opportunities to learn new ideas and technologies that would assist me to become more effective at research and study. Moreover, I have been in the top level of any academic studies all the time. If I could get this chance to get into the new academic world again, I will do my best to be one of ****(university name) people whom my alma mater can be proud of in the future.