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Posts by winwin
Joined: Feb 20, 2010
Last Post: Mar 4, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: China

Displayed posts: 5
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winwin   
Feb 20, 2010
Writing Feedback / Essay on describing MY REGULAR WALK [7]

I just got a task to decribe my regular walk for 2 minutes. The requirements are where you take the walk, who is with you and explain what you see and think of during the walk.

I might seem easy to the others but not for me. By the way, I am Chinese. However, describing the rountine of my walk has been the biggest problem for me. I just want to write my descriptions down and wait for the comments.

Every evening, I perfer to go for a walk around the building I live. It can help me keep fit and improve my sleep. I start from the front gate of the building. After three right turnings, I return to my flat. Usually, it takes me about 1 hours. At the first sight, right in front the gate, I can see a small park where is always crowded with lots of people, both elders and youngsters. In the park, I can see some old people playing taiqi or dancing yangko and some younsters walking a dog. Then I walk pass by an elementary school called Spring Elementary School. In the first intersection, I turn right seeing a row of Sichuan restaurants along the road. After turning right at the traffic lights, I can see a large fitness center where is pretty famous in my city. Then turn right again, as i walk, I can see a large building of China Bank. After the last right turning, I can see a large Japanese restaurant. After walking for about 100 meters, i am back to home.

As i am walking, I always think about some strange questions like: what will happen to my life if I am a girl? Do my parents love me? Can i make a large sum of money if I open my own business?

Anyway, there are still no answers for my questions.

To me, this walking is pretty important, because it can release my pressure on study and give me a good sleep.
winwin   
Feb 20, 2010
Writing Feedback / Essay on describing MY REGULAR WALK [7]

Hi,THOSAGO MABORE.

Frankly speaking, I just feel that something is wrong with my essay.
It is not brief, because just reading it could cost me 5 mins. However, I do not know how to make it shorter and more brief.
winwin   
Feb 23, 2010
Writing Feedback / Essay on describing MY REGULAR WALK [7]

After three right turns, I return to my flat.

After turning right at the traffic lights, I can see a large fitness center that is pretty famous in my city. Then turn right again, as i walk, I can see a large building of China Bank. After the last right turn, I can see a large Japanese restaurant. After walking for about 100 meters, I am back to home.

EF_Kevin, thanks a lot for your corrections.

However, I just feel that this essay seems way too stupid.
Acutally, it is for a topic in IELTS speaking test. I just wanna prepare it in advance.
However, my regular walking is indeed like this, just like walking in a rectangular way.
You know, start walking from the starting point then then back to the starting point. However, i have no idea to decribe it in a more logicall way.

As I mentioned in the passage, it sounds like a elmentary school student are writing a diary.
I want my essay to be more elegant.

Could you help me?
winwin   
Mar 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / Essay on describing MY REGULAR WALK [7]

Thank you EF_Kevin,
I got several inspirations on the expression about my writing.
Anyway, I will try more times to make my writing better. So your help is in need then.
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