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Posts by aJ_M_65
Joined: May 11, 2010
Last Post: Jun 6, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 4
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aJ_M_65   
May 18, 2010
Writing Feedback / Equal number of students:IETLS essay [4]

hi guys! i'll appreciate it ,help me in find my errors

Nowadays an indispensable role of education in man's life cannot be overlooked, whereas, knowledge seekers tend to be more sophisticated academicallySentence is not clear sophisted in what sense. Meanwhile , some like to be graduated due to being an expert of any field of study which affects specifically on society . Based on individuals opinions admission in universities should be considered by equality in gender, yet, others believe it is not going to work while focusing on students educational resume is more critical for their admission .I intend interpret the benefits and drawbacks:

An advantage can be mentioned sex equality might leads to eradication of differences of men and women's prerogative, therefore, no matter if you are male or notseems incomplete sentence. Although there are lots of men still believed, man's right priority which makes it the more significant than women's.

However, seemingly subjects appears as disadvantage is reluctance sharply increases for some subjects, as the reflux of the spot was mentioned above, some fields of study requirements for specific gender and human's contentment for some subjects relys on sex. For instance, mostly men are interested in civil and mechanical engineering, yet, women's desire is nursing, and as a statistic example, less than 10 percent of Cambodia women interested in technological fields, albeit, it assumably might be predicted in a higher rank.

At last, it can be concluded that, Point in admissions of knowledge-seekers which has to be paid attention is not either equality or quantity. Therefore, concentration on students past educational resume quality is the most significant issue. My opinion included, development in makes more sophisticated students has more influence on society ,market ,industry and so forth.
aJ_M_65   
Jun 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / Equal number of students:IETLS essay [4]

the indispensable role of education in a man's life cannot be overlooked: i meant to talk about importance of education in people's life that cannot be considered as an umiportant issue.

for the second part,being sophisticated educationally...is it wrong BEING SOPHISTICATED ACADEMICALLY?
aJ_M_65   
Jun 5, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS taks 2 essay: computer has negative effects to children [6]

In conclusion, although it is undeniable that the computer is a crucial part of human life,it still has its bad side,(my opinion concluded,i would rather write it this way:In conclusion ,there is no doubt that computers are indispensable elements in human life,also harmful aspect cannot be overlooked) especially for children. People should learn how to use it properly to make it an effective tool device because computer should be used notshould not be used only for entertaining but also for working and studying purpose(educational and occupational purposes)
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