Posts by 3flip

3flip

Apr 29, 2008

Essays / Essay template on "Walking" [2]

I am a graduating undergraduate pre-med student in my second, and last, english course. I just started my final essay, a piece on "Walden", and thought it would be fun to post my recently constructed essay template (below). I do not have much time to write (or at least that is what I tell myself) and I do not do it often. However, I do enjoy it and have fun on the rare occasions I find myself in the process. So tell me what you think of it, I thought it was clever (ha). However, I don't really want suggestions, as I would prefer to have any writing I do to be entirely of my own creation (no offense to staff or forum users). If you think it is stupid and that I am a poor writer, please comment and elaborate, for it will serve as a great distraction later when I become bored of writing and need a break. Maybe I'll learn something.

Walking or Sitting, Nature or Civilization

"Walking", a piece written by Henry David Thoreau in the year 1861 has survived as a seminal work in English and, along with Emerson's "Nature", one of the primary literary resources embraced by the contemporary environmentalist movement. Although not as well known as "Walden", his famous book in which he discusses a simple life in nature, or as his essay, "Civil Disobedience", in which he defends the individual resistance to a morally unjust government, "Walking" remains, in a modern world where the messages detailed in his works have so much relevance, as one of his most profound literary compositions. The following piece will be presented as a Thoreau-inspired, and perhaps Transcendalist, reflection on "Walking".

Thoreau begins by saying this, and then he says that. I will present my opinion on this, of which may belong to the collection of those in favor or, perhaps, not. I will then do the same for that. I will add my own reflection for this and that, through examples in my own life and maybe others'. I am only writing at this moment to see if I have enough text to gauge how the following essay I will write will look in double space format. It looks great; I cannot wait to write it. The italicized items below are simply notes that I have written earlier to save space in my memory for further ideas and allocations.

All that matters is your peace of mind. No worries.
Living every moment like it is your last.

3flip

Apr 29, 2008

Writing Feedback / having native English teachers in all English classes? [4]

I don't think you need "To begin with" in your second paragraph. You would have already have a nice transition from your first paragraph without it. Maybe you could start the paragraph, "The financial burden associated with hiring native speaking English teachers is one of the most daunting obstacles to implementing this plan."

In your last paragraph, perhaps remove "In conclusion". Much like "To begin with", it seems a bit cheesy to me. The content of your last paragraph alone should let the reader know it is a conclusion.

Also, your solution proposed in the last paragraph regarding English zones and/or cafes is very interesting. I wanted to know more about it. I think you should elaborate on those ideas in your last paragraph. Doing this will provide you with a strong, detailed solution that will give the content of your essay more meaning. In your opening paragraph you describe the plan for native speaking english teachers in class rooms as "less viable", implying that you have an alternative plan that you are comparing it to. If you have a strong alternative solution described in your conclusion, it will give more credibility to your opening statements and your following paragraphs.

3flip

Apr 29, 2008

Writing Feedback / help- topic: problems encounter with not speaking english in america [6]

How about starting your first paragraph by condensing your first two sentences into one main idea. For example:

With the increasing degree of globalization, and perhaps the growing influence of Western culture, economy, and diplomacy, the English language has become an essential tool for successfully navigating the obstacles inherent with international communication.

The next sentence could be shortened as well. You could say,

There are many problems facing non-English speaking immigrants in America. Some of these problems include conversational misunderstanding, isolation from others, and difficulty in obtaining simple necessities.

The inability to fully express a person's feelings may cause misunderstandings. A person who doesn't know how to speak English fluently may have a hard time communicating his true intentions with a limited vocabulary. Sometimes a non-native English speaker may have difficulties finding the appropriate words to convey what he really wants to say. The inaccurate construction of his grammar may also add to the confusion.

Remove the first sentence of the third paragraph, it is not necessary to define a common word.

If a person is having difficulties speaking English, he will also have a hard time making friends because he doesn't feel confident speaking the language. He will feel isolated because he cannot communicate very well with others. Just like Yifeng (Who is Yifeng? Perhaps you should explain briefly who Yifeng is prior to this sentence), he was lonely. He spent his time isolated in the stone-stepped library where he studied endlessly. He never ventured out to meet people. Instead, he spent his free time in the kitchen learning how to cook.

A person may have difficulties in acquiring the simple everday necessities if he or she is not fluent in the English language. He or she would have a hard time shopping for food in a grocery store. Allergies have no relevence to your argument here, you can remove that part of the sentence, along with the next. Instead you could say,He or she would find it troublesome to ask for assistance from employees or to deal with the cashier.Also, if upon eating in a restaurant, he or she would have a hard time communitcating with the server.

Hope that helps.

3flip

Apr 29, 2008

Writing Feedback / help- topic: problems encounter with not speaking english in america [6]

Great job revising it! It's no problem helping you out. I am writing a long essay myself right now, and enjoy revising someone else's work as a distraction when I am bored. Well let me help you with the start of your conclusion. You will definitely need more to it. Your first sentence is good, but I would suggest removing "In conclusion". I just do not think it is a good way to start conclusions. You should then go through each paragraph and summarize the main idea from each in your next three sentences. Then close with your next sentence. You could end by suggesting a possible solution, perhaps something along the lines of having computer language translators installed in grocery stores and restaurants, free pocket dictionaries with common English phrases handed out to those in need, or government-funded classes to teach basic communication to ESL citizens.

3flip

Apr 30, 2008

Poetry / Analyse two poems that are linked by the theme of love [3]

poetry.com/greatestpoems/listlove.asp

This site has poems with various love themes: in love, wanting love, lost love, power of love, etc. It should be easy to choose two. Maybe you should choose two from different love categories so that you can compare them on the general aspect of love, but can contrast on a deeper level describing the differences in the specific themes of loves they deal with.