Posts by honey91332

honey91332

Jul 3, 2010

Writing Feedback / Descriptive Essay on making an important decision - test prep, CBEST. [5]

Dear,
I will be taking the California Basic Educational Skills Test (CBEST) in August. Can you kindly check the essay and provide some feedback and tips on these kinds of topic for me? It'd be nice if you can also give me a score based on the CBEST grading criteria. :) Thank you very much!!

Describe a particular time in your life when you had difficulty making an important decision. Identify the situation and explain whether you were able to resolve the problem. If it was resolved, how? If not, why not- what happened?

We are all making choices and decisions in everyday life; however, good ones lead you on the right path while bad ones bring you in the middle of nowhere. Throughout my entire life, the hardest decision I've ever made would definitely be getting into college. In my country, our educational system is a bit different from that of the United States. First, we are ...

honey91332

Jul 15, 2010

Writing Feedback / Descriptive Essay on making an important decision - test prep, CBEST. [5]

thank you so much! :)
I'll keep that in mind!!!

honey91332

Jul 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Confessions of a poor student" [20]

Redemption.
I'm a student who's seeking academic redemption after doing poorly in college. My family
~~wanted~~ expected me to become a physician; they didn't care what particular kind ~~just~~ as long as I ~~made a lot of money~~ make a big fortune. So Die to meeting their expectations, I took up chemistry and biology classes hoping eventually things like carbon atoms and anatomy would grow on me. This didn't happen; instead I was miserable which caused my grades to suffer. During ~~this time~~ the period, computers ~~interested me~~ arouse my interest. so Later, I took up computer repair and in a week's time made my first computer. A year later I completed my PC repair and Microsoft Engineer certificates and have been working the computer industry ever since. Through the years I took courses here and there ~~so I could~~ in order to transfer to into a university. but it was only a year ago that I took it more seriously. (I'm not quite sure if this is redundant.) ~~Now~~ Nowadays, something inside me says, "I want higher ~~learning~~ education, I want to be academically successful". Please don't view me as a student with a low GPA but as a student with potential who's had a positive change and has maintained a 4.0 GPA in his last 10 units of college coursework. My goal is to earn a Master's degree then eventually set up scholarships for deserving students who has turned their academic lives around.

This is my humble feedback on your essay. My advice is that maybe you can try writing your essay in a more formal way since you're applying to a college. :) Good luck!