Undergraduate / Do you believe in fate: UF Admission essay! [5]

to be eight-teen to ride. I was seven-teen.
it should be eighteen and seventeen. no hyphen in required.

I wanted to go on the ATV excursion so bad
so is a placeholder for very or really. This sentence could be I wanted to go on the ATV excursion very badly.

We settle on the next best thing which was a Jeep 4x4 excursion. which was fun.
Delete the bolded section, it's wordy, and an admissions officer won't care.

He asked me what I planed to do when I graduated high
Should be planned.

He asked me what I planed to do when I graduated high school and I told him college. He asked me what I wanted to be and I told him that I was not sure.

Try not to repeat the same words. it gets very repetitive.

I did not think much of it at the time other than it being interesting.
it would be interesting.

It didn't hit me instantly, but as time passed I became more and more interested in this genre of study
Change to field

and have consistently excelled in them. as far as grades

Not knowing my profession, I went through almost my first three years of high school devoted to The University of South Florida. However I have been enlightened by the endless opportunities in this field at The University of Florida. my path has taken a turn for the better

Also note that proof reading goes a long way.

Undergraduate / "A plane trip we took from Germany to London" - UF admission essay [19]

I am also applying to UF.
I personally think this is a wonderful essay, and like all essays it needs to be tweaked here or there.

I've done research on what admission officers look for in essays, and I see more than one of those qualities.

You've admitted a short coming; you were quickly to judge people, and possibly assume the worst, and you have shown what you can contribute to their school.

while silently praying to God that I would come out of this alive (my mother always told me to look into drama classes...)

I believe they can already see that you were a bit dramatic. By adding the part in partheses, it's almost redudent.

This is not always a debate between black and white, but it caries on to all the variety of beautiful color, and culture, and people we see in this world.

When I read this it looked like a list of things and you had two ands. If it is a list it should only have one and two commas.

Those are the only things that really stood out to me.
Good luck with your applications, and hopefully you'll get into the schoool of your dreams (: