Posts by fewjative

fewjative

Aug 9, 2010

Undergraduate / "me giving back to the community" - UC Prompt #1 Help [9]

Hi guys and gals here at EF, I am in deep need of help with writing my essay for prompt #1 for UC admissions.
The prompt is :
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I have chosen a topic I want to write about, which is basically me giving back to the community. Two examples I will use is that I make sack lunches for the poor and I coached a soccer team of mentally challenged players for a whole summer, who eventually won their championship. I am having a hard time just getting started with writing this prompt and can't even come up with a good intro.

fewjative

Aug 9, 2010

Undergraduate / "me giving back to the community" - UC Prompt #1 Help [9]

Thanks for the help freezard. I saw your thread but I couldnt help, mostly because you are probably more knowledgeable than me. Anyways, I will try and create the intro then post later.

fewjative

Aug 10, 2010

Undergraduate / "me giving back to the community" - UC Prompt #1 Help [9]

So far, I have been working on this:

Ever since I was a kid, (<-seems "child like" and doesnt fully flow) my life has been changed through numerous experiences ,obstacles, and people. While some kids had life easy, my parents carried and embedded the mentality of "If you want something, then you must earn it" into me. Although growing up was far from effortless, often filled with tears of my dreams being shattered, and I was constantly engulfed in the fear of failing to live up to my parents expectations and wants, I knew that there were always people that were suffering more than me.

That is kinda how I am imagining the intro to be. I know I need to include a thesis and maybe more to hook the reader but I didnt want to delve too deep if it was crap. I am honestly trying to take your advice and I think that will be evident as my essay blossoms.

fewjative

Aug 11, 2010

Undergraduate / "me giving back to the community" - UC Prompt #1 Help [9]

Once again, thanks for all the tips. I do have a stupid question though, is there any structure or format? In class, I have always been a good/decent writer because essays were given witha specific topic and a book to find quotes. You have intro -> body w/3 quotes -> "" ""-> "" ""->Conclusion. My problem is that for an essay like this, I don't know how to structure it. So far I know there must be an intro with a thesis and hook, maybe some statments of organization. Then would you do a body paragraph explaining the SofO's, and then a conclusion?

:/... Thanks for the help everyone.